Listen to your body, not your doctor.

Scan Results: NED. Woo! 8 months cancer free!

This hospital trip was slightly better. I was able to hold it together until the Asian lady at the bakery refused to serve me. Isn't that always the way it goes? You keep a straight face throughout the day, and then the tiniest insignificant obstacle causes a full blown shit-fest.

I gritted my teeth through the port flush. I asked my Onc about disability options and was denied (damn kids trying to abuse the system). I voiced my concern over worsening chronic pain in my hip/back/everywhere and, because my scans are clear, was not-so-subtly accused of opiate dependency (damn kids trying to abuse the system!). Because scans tell ALL, right? If the scan says I'm not in pain, I guess I'm not in pain.

So, feeling defeated despite the joyous news of N.E.D, I sought respite via coffee and pastries at the Kaiser cafe area. I order my shit. I have no cash. I am three dollars away from being able to use my debit card. "No card, under limit!!!" militant Asian lady snaps at me. I am unwilling to buy 4 more muffins just to be able to use my card. Defeated again, I ask, "can I have a cup of water?" She slams a little paper cup on the counter. "Fifty cent!!"

I stare at her. Are. You. Fucking. Kidding me. You will not give a cancer patient a mother fucking dixie cup? And then I lost it. Like, completely lost my shit and sat bawling, hungry, and humiliated in the cafe until I could pick up my prescription.

Moral of the story: If you are poor, always carry cash. If you are a cunt, don't work at a hospital.


So, back to my Onc visit. Now that I have hair and look like a normal twenty-something, I am noticing a massive amount of skepticism and disbelief when it comes to medical issues. There seems to be a general misconception that young people can't be trusted. We just want drugs and attention. People, even medical professionals, fail to realize that Chemo completely rapes and pillages your body, causing long-term issues unrelated to cancer. Chemotherapy annihilates cancer (if you're lucky) just as it annihilates the rest of your healthy cells.

If I were to listen to my Doctor, I would be taking Ibuprofen and hot baths for debilitating pain. I would assume the pain is all in my head. Which was exactly what I was told before my Cancer diagnosis.

I am angry about all of this. Livid. And I'm not quite sure what to do about it, suffice to say: Listen to your body, not your doctor. Do research yourself. Find your own solution. Make your own educated diagnosis. Get second and third opinions until you finally find someone who will listen. Don't sit back and suffer.



oh and p.s.- I'm still working on getting my computer fixed. Despite the rant above, I am so so happy to be in remission. I'll take my pain over cancer any day...