Natural Highs, Liquid Lows

I walked miles and miles last week. One day, I walked from the cancer agency, across Cambie Bridge, along the seawall where all the Concord Pacific condos are, all the way to English Bay. I sat there for a while, waiting for Henry to come join me. About two hours as a matter of fact, but he got caught up in the office. It wasn't exactly warm outside, but there were moments of sunshine here and there, and I watched people fly kites and do tricks. I watched people walk their dogs. I watched leaves flying around. Here's the view I had:






And here's the bench I sat on. There's something magical about memorial benches.





I want to do more physical activity, but I find myself getting tired more quickly, especially on one of my long walks. I feel the need to nap more. And yeah, I shouldn't be drinking alcohol like I'm accustomed to. I did that on Saturday night with Henry, his sister and her husband at Parkside restaurant, and I was paying for it all night long. You know how these prescriptions say not to drink alcohol while taking the drugs: I forgot to pay attention to that. I had a really awful, painful pukefest all night. I hate not being normal.

Today, we're meeting with the oncology surgeon again. Hopefully, this time around, she has our info and will have a more informative meeting with us. I actually got a copy of my chart on Friday just so there are no excuses. I remembered that H's brother had to get his chart to make sure about the situation because when you have to deal with so many doctors and specialists and their staff, something is always bound to get lost in the cracks. So it was a good idea to get the chart.

This week I also have an ECG, an ultrasound and a core biopsy. Next week I start the new chemo. Fun.

Today is Another Day

The day before yesterday, the low point was letting Martha Stewart blab about breast cancer from my tv. The high point was making a cheesy movie. Yesterday, I had all intentions to get out of the house before dark but did not. Still, the afternoon wasn't entirely unenjoyable as I iChatted with my niece and one of my bff's. Then I went to Rhizome with Henry and worked on some poetry while he had a meeting (and I had a Caesar). So all what not bad. And guess what? It's still raining. If you don't love the rain in Vancouver, you better be in love with something else about the city.

Today, I AM LEAVING THE HOUSE! Yay! I'm going to an Inspire seminar this morning, then to the gym to work out (I keep forgetting and then realizing with horror that months ago, I signed up for the Thanksgiving Day Turkey Trot 10K--and Thanksgiving is on Monday here!), then back home. The proof copies for the food book are coming today, and I can't wait to see what the book looks like!

I've noticed a small decrease in side effects, and I think it might be because I've taken one less pill of the Dexamethasone, which is the hard-core anti-nausea pill I'm suppose to take right after chemo. It has a bunch of nasty side effects, including depression and mood swings. So I'm on an anti-depressant to deal with the side effects of the anti-nausea. Crazy.

Speaking of crazy, I finished watching that documentary Crazy, Sexy, Cancer. For me, watching it was like getting chemo: had to be in doses. As I feared, the last half was the same as the first. I guess I just totally didn't relate to this woman, despite her being about the same age as I, for a number of reasons: 1) She didn't seek traditional cancer treatments, and instead, went to a bunch of alternative, and sometime wacky, treatment centers that must have cost a fortune, which said to me that she had lots of time and lots of money on her hands. And it seemed to me that she did it because she thought it would make a good film, not just because she wanted to find a cure. 2) While rare, her cancer is so slow-growing and nonthreatening that at one point, her doctor told her it was kind of like having a wart. But I think I must relate to the movie on some level for its spirit. And I enjoyed it when she focused on other women who were going through treatment or had cancer for a while, as they spoke with wisdom and experience that was helpful for me to hear--warriors who've been through the battle and are still surviving, though they are tired and about fed up. But I don't want to get get all down on the filmmaker--it's her film after all. And she does get kudos for me for making it, and making the experience her own and sharing it. But for me as an audience who has cancer, overall, it wasn't my cup of tea.


Okay, now time for some tea--Yogi Tea.

FUCK CANCER

Today was the best day I've had since my diagnosis. I feel FUCKING KICK-ASS AWESOME!!!! I wish I haven't been so immobilized by the diagnosis and treatment thus far, but it has been the case. Today, I moved my ass...and moved it and moved it some more. I walked from our house to the cancer agency, which is about a mile and a half.

I attended a free seminar on how to apply makeup. Really, I already know how to put on makeup, but I was just going for the mega-box of free stuff they were handing out--moisturizers, cleansers, make-up, even a nice cotton cap to wear at night (which is really appreciated since it just got really cold here in Vancouver). It felt a little weird to be there because definitely, there was a majority of women over the age of 50--and then there was me. So conversations veered toward how to diminish wrinkles and other stuff. But it was kind of fun watching the other women put on wigs and shout out their opinions on each one.

Then I went to Tim Horton's for lunch and proofread some more of the food book manuscript. I am almost done with proofreading, and then I'll make corrections and tweak the images in Photoshop some more. Then I will pass the book onto H and start working on the cover. So I'm also thrilled that I'm getting closer to finishing the book!

Then I went to Fitness World and did a 30-minute cardio workout on the elliptical, a 15-minute upper-body resistance workout, and a nice long stretch.

Then I walked about two and a half miles to my appointment with the surgeon. The appointment was a little disappointing because for some reason, the cancer agency didn't send over a copy of my chart, so the surgeon couldn't give me a good assessment of my options. But she did put referrals through for the plastic surgeon, so some progress is being made. We have some time to read up on options anyway.

All in all, I feel great! I came home, had a nice dinner with the family, took a bath and read People magazine, and I feel so relaxed and good. I'm kicking cancer's ass all over the place!