The Situation

I let myself cry, and then I write. This is usually how it goes. If I hadn't been diagnosed with a second cancer, I'd be doing neither of these things- presumably, I'd be tying up loose ends and embarking on my very first cross-country-moving-adventure. But, let's not presume. Let's not think of the what ifs and perhaps maybe might have beens. Here are the facts:

1. I have papillary thyroid cancer that has spread to most of the lymph nodes on my neck.
2. Said nodes have been scraped out, along with my thyroid, parathyroid glands, and a bit of my trachea, which shows cancer involvement.
3. In 3 weeks or so, I will receive radioactive iodine treatment to take care of any cancer cells the surgeon left behind. My pee will glow in the dark. I will be dangerously radioactive. If you touch my skin, yours will burn. Seriously!
4. I am definitely staying here for awhile. I need to be monitored closely.


The surgery was supposed to be 3 hours but turned into a 9 hour affair due to the many surprises my neck provided. When I awoke and saw that it was 1:45 am, I was convinced the clocks were broken. Nope. Just me.

Recovery has been painful, but I am now able to eat soft foods and turn my head slightly. I have been taking advantage of this and eating heaps of ice cream. Here's a picture during my hospital stay, with the drains still in:



haaah, wait, here it is:



and here is a picture of how it's healing:



One of the first things I noticed about the incision was how beautiful and even my surgeon's stitches were- seamstresses would call this a blanket stitch. In this photo I'm still very swollen and unable to turn my neck or sleep on my side. lameness. Literally!

On this day of August twenty-ninth, 2010

It is with great sorrow (and a fair amount of disbelief) that I announce my second primary cancer diagnosis.

This time it is papillary thyroid carcinoma- I have surgery scheduled for this Thursday. They'll be taking out the whole gland, plus any lymph nodes that are involved. We shall go from there.

The diagnosis comes just weeks before my intended move to New York. All plans are put on hold. I'll need to stay in California for close monitoring. There go my dreams again, off to the dump. Perhaps I'll get to reclaim them later, little lost treasures, just like last time.

It is almost two years- to the day- of my Ewing's dx in 2008.
Why are my cells so goddamn uppity?

It started with a cyst. A lump on my neck, right above the clavicle, about the size of a walnut. I thought it was a swollen lymph node. Upon biopsy it was revealed that the lump is mostly old blood from cappillaries in the thyroid gland, mixed with pus and lymph fluid- my body's futile attempt at fighting back.

So here we are, a lump, a second cancer, a postponing of life once again.

As celebration, or distraction, D and I went to the carnivorous plant nursery in Sebastapol.

deadly beautiful things.

How to Avoid Mesothelioma

Below are some questions and answers that will explain to avoid Mesothelioma.


Not many people heard of Mesothelioma and are unaware of their symptoms. The disease is considered a cancer which are difficult to find, but the number of cases each year continues to increase. Prevalence rate of this disease is very large so it is important to understand what, why and how Mesothelioma develops.


Meaning of Mesothelioma

Mesothelioma is a malignant (cancerous). The Cancer cells are found in the mesothelium, it is a protective sac that covers most organs in the body. These cancer cells often attacks the lungs, heart and abdominal organs. The most common form is pleural mesothelioma. Pleural Mesothelioma is cancer of the lining of the lungs. And cancer cells can be found in the lining of the abdominal cavity (peritoneum) and the layer around the heart (pericardium).

Causes of Mesothelioma

Mesothelioma is usually caused by asbestos. Asbestos material is often found in pipes, boiler insulation, floor, ceiling and roof tiles. Asbestos material is in the environment such as asbestos mills, mines, shipping yards, some Navy ships or even older patients at home. About 3000 cases of mesothelioma per year are currently being diagnosed. Family members of workers exposed to asbestos can also contract this disease through exposure to workers' clothing. Like other cancers, smoking greatly increases the risk of contracting mesothelioma.

Volume of Asbestos that will Cause Mesothelioma

The development of this cancer are directly related to length of time you are exposed to asbestos. And health risks also increased with the intensity of exposed asbestos. A presentation stating that only one or two months exposed to asbestos, can cause mesothelioma in 30 or 40 years later.

That are some points to explain how to avoid Mesothelioma

An Example of Treatment Difficulties of Mesothelioma

Smoking is a rare cancer is contact asbestos. This disease is a cruel cancer types, because it is hard to find, often only diagnosed late stage. At this point, the treatment is usually very difficult. Give your idea, we have a job how difficult it is, in this article. The complication,

This is mesothelium cancer entry. This mesothelium found is a kind of lining the chest and abdomen, is more or less protection organs of scabbard, such as the heart and lungs. Although cancer easily recognizable, cannot say so, in thin lining around it. This is what makes mesothelioma so deadly. It is usually very late, usually found in has grown up to 20, 30, 40 years or longer.

Cancer is the most commonly found in mesothelioma lung. The doctor�s diagnosis, usually must undergo biopsy material. It is through the creation of a small incision, then insert the relevant medical instrument. Small amounts of substances are cut off, and then sent to the office and pathology in microscope examination. It sounds simple, but here is to cope with this. new

Surgeons have noticed a unique problems, this form of cancer. To perform a biopsy, a cancer often take the invasion of the incision. Cancerous growths and sprout, began to flourish. Consider, for one minute. This kind of cancer is so difficult, making an incision can spread. Facing this huge problems, you can understand why less than 10% of the patients survived 5 years.

Smoking is a rare disease, but a vicious circle. Treatment is improving, but no cure, has found that one is on the horizon. In this case, it is clear that should prohibit partial asbestos into a complete ban, absolutely, more and more people suffer.

Source : Meso

Mesothelioma Diagnosis

Unfortunately, mesothelioma is a very difficult to diagnose as it is often detected well into advance stages of the disease. Often 20 to 50 years will go by from the initial asbestos exposure until characteristics of mesothelioma are evident. Typically, patients are often diagnosed with mesothelioma 3 to 6 months of first signs of the diseases which is most often abdomenal and chest pain and breathing problems.

Patients that are suspected to mesothelioma are given a number of tests to determine whether or not the disease is present. These tests include chest X-rays, CT scan, PET scan, and/or and MRI scan. These tests will determine if and where mesothelioma is present and at what stage.

Doctors will also do tissue and fluid tests (also known as biopsy tests) to determine if cancer cells are present. These tests involve small samples of body tissue and fluids. Such tests may include:

• Thoracoscopy test- a test that is used when pleural or pericardial mesothelioma is suspected. This test involves producing a small tissue through the chest wall via a small incision.
• Fine Needle Aspiration test - a long, hollow needle is used to extract fluid samples from such places as the pleural membrane of the lungs.
• Bronchoscopy and Laparoscopy test - similar to the thoracoscopy test but done in other areas of the body.
• Mediastinoscopy test - used to to view the lymph nodes in the chest and to see the stage of cancer and whether it has spread
  

Laparoscopy of the Abdomen for Mesothelioma Diagnosis

A laparoscopy will be conducted if the suspicous area is in the abdomen. During a laparoscopy, a doctor will insert a special instrument into the abdominal cavity via a small cut. More extensive surgery may be necessary if a laparoscopy procedure can not produce enough tissue for analysis.

Diagnosing Mesothelioma is Difficult

Mesothelioma is a very hard disease to diagnose, because symptoms are like those of a number of other diseases. A doctor's diagnosis of a patient suspected of having mesothelioma begins with a review of their medical history. Exposure to asbestos in years past (event more than 30 years prior) will increase a doctor's suspicion for mesothelioma. A physical examination, chest X-rays and lung function tests will follow itial suspicions. X-ray's may show pleural thickening that are often seen after asbestos exposure which may further give believe that a patient has mesothelioma. CT (CAT) scans or MRIs are also usually conducted. If these analysis show large amounts of fluid, abnormal cells may be detected if this fluid is aspirated or removed with a syringe. If this is pleural fluid, a pleural tap (a chest drain) may be conducted.

Brandy Interview Slideshow

[i did this quickie slideshow...a bit self-indulgent, but what about this blog isn't, after all? enjoy...or not!]

Me and Cancer--Not a Love Story

How did this all come about? How did I discover the lump of coal in my boobie? One day in March, about four months ago, I felt a little tenderness on what felt like a ridge on my right breast. It bothered me for about a week, and then I went to see my family doctor.

The way the medical system works in Canada is that you go to see your family doctor for everything, and then s/he refers you to a specialist, orders tests, and all that other junk. It doesn't cost the patient anything in most cases, and the doctor just gets paid for your visit.

So I went in, and Dr. H. felt my boob a few times, and said that all he felt was "fullness." I'm not familiar with that medical term, but I guess it was full. Whatever that meant. He said it was nothing, wrote down "benign appearance" on my chart, and told me to come back if it got worse. That was on March 26th.

I went about my business, went to Asia, came back--lump still there. I could still feel it, and it was tender. But one night, there was a shooting pain in my chest where the lump is, and I'm like, really, that can't be normal. In terms of size, it was about the same. So I went in the doctor's a second time in the middle of June.

But Dr. H. wasn't there. Instead, there was a nice lady named Dr. Shintani. She examined me and told me that it was some kind of cyst, probably benign, and she gave me a requisition for an ultrasound. She said they'd probably just drain it and that was it. She also told me that it might take 3 months to get that ultrasound appointment.

Perhaps because of my age, both Dr. H. and Dr. S. weren't so concerned that it was cancer. But at least Dr. S. had enough sense to order me an ultrasound. I still don't know why Dr. H. didn't do that in the first place, OVER THREE MONTHS AGO! It doesn't cost him anything! Argh!

Anyway, luckily, I was able to get an ultrasound appointment in two weeks. So I went in for my ultrasound on July 5th.

I watched the monitor and saw three obvious black blobs--two larger ones near the surface, and one small one deeper down in my breast. The radiologist came in and was concerned. She said that I was going to do a mammogram right away as well.

So I did the mammogram--and then another one, which was more magnified, and that was that. The radiologist, Dr. Gordon, said that the Women's Hospital was booked full for the week, but that she would get me in first thing Monday morning for a core biopsy.

When I got there at my scheduled time, 7:30 am, the center was closed. They didn't open until 8 am! About a couple minutes later, the receptionist walked in, and they were expecting me right away! They basically opened up for my appointment, half an hour early.

While I was getting ready for the biopsy, Dr. Gordon told me that they saw a lump in my lymph node during the mammogram and that she would biopsy that site as well. She froze my armpit and used a regular needle to dig around in there--which didn't feel all that great. Lots of nerves in the pit, so it was kind of uncomfortable even with the freezing.

Then she began the core biopsy. It's like a big needle that they attach a stapler gun type thing to. So she stuck the needle in (after freezing my boob, of course), positioned it according to what she saw on the ultrasound, and fired away. It sounds lile a stapler gun. It was all fine until she went to get the small cyst deep down--the freezing didn't exactly find its way down there, so I felt that one. Ouch.

Three days later, my family doctor called, and I went in and was given the diagnosis, which was pretty vague. I just have cancer. That's all I know.

I have to say that things are moving so much more quickly than they should. Everything has been expedited for me, and I don't know if that's because of my age, or if it's because of my stage (which I don't know right now), or both. So it's nice to get the attention right away, but it also makes me think crazy thoughts, like, "is it that bad?"

I guess I'll find out later this afternoon.

Diagnosis: Damn

I was diagnosed with breast cancer last Thursday, July 12, 2007, but other than that, that's all I know. I know that I'm going crazy--but not going crazy. This is limbo--only knowing so much, which is very little, and not being able to do anything but wait and wait and wait and wait.

I'm 31 years old. I've got two kids, and I've got a ton of shit to do. Last thing I need is cancer. It's the last thing anyone needs.

My brother-in-law died of lung cancer on July 7, 2007--five days before my diagnosis. His situation, of course, was way more serious--that is, as far as I know.

I mean, it's not like I'm, "Thank GOD I have breast cancer!" But it's like, "Thank god I don't have some type of other cancer that's worse."

None of this makes any sense.

So yeah, like the URL says, cancer fucking sucks.