Burning Hunk of Boob

I just woke up--guess what? I still have cancer. I *hate* that! When's that gonna stop happening?--when I wake up in the morning and suddenly, I remember it's for real...??? It's weird--it's like when I eventually sleep at night, my mind just tries to repress the hell out of the reality so that when I wake up, it's a shock all over again, like in the movie Groundhog Day. Weird!

Last night, my tumor burned. I'm not sure if that's supposed to happen. No matter if I lay on my side or on my back or even when I got out of bed and stood up, the big tumor, the one that's obvious to the touch, was burning and had shooting pains. I should call and ask the nurse about that. Maybe it's just that freakin' big.

I apparently qualify for a trial for a more aggressive type of chemo, so I have to call them today to agree to be on the trial. You know what I really got a kick out of yesterday? The prescription they gave me for a wig. Cancer does have its perks!

Diagnosis: Damn

I was diagnosed with breast cancer last Thursday, July 12, 2007, but other than that, that's all I know. I know that I'm going crazy--but not going crazy. This is limbo--only knowing so much, which is very little, and not being able to do anything but wait and wait and wait and wait.

I'm 31 years old. I've got two kids, and I've got a ton of shit to do. Last thing I need is cancer. It's the last thing anyone needs.

My brother-in-law died of lung cancer on July 7, 2007--five days before my diagnosis. His situation, of course, was way more serious--that is, as far as I know.

I mean, it's not like I'm, "Thank GOD I have breast cancer!" But it's like, "Thank god I don't have some type of other cancer that's worse."

None of this makes any sense.

So yeah, like the URL says, cancer fucking sucks.