A kick in the teeth, so to speak.

I am on my way to an informational interview in New York right now.

I spent all my NY savings on rent after my 2nd diagnosis.

I applied for a SAMFund grant in September, naively thinking that they could help me with my goal of moving to NY.

I just got an email today saying that I have been rejected, because at the time I was writing my application essay, I hadn't finished treatment (this was during the RAI). So, even though I'm finished, I am disqualified.

I'm on the train and I can't contain my tears.

I really was hoping.




EDIT: this piece of wisdom has been bestowed upon me by the lovely Bekah:

FUCK Samfund. I've applied for the same grants, and they claim to reject me because I'll 'never be finished with treatment.' Since mine is chronic, it will come and go..

We create our own world with our minds -- you know this. Yes, you are allowed to be down and out, you are allowed to feel like the world will cave in. Life hits us fucking hard, but we MUST get back up.

Cry, throw things, get pissed. And then, shake it off. The world is still yours if you want it.

(I needed that.) And for the record-- New York was awesome; the people friendly, the food delicious, and the subways didn't smell (much) like pee. I'll get there despite everything.