Going Wireless

"You must get tired of constantly being poked and jabbed when you're a patient," friends often commented.

"Actually, no," I would explain while yanking out the cord attached to my arm (when I had a PICC line) or from my chest (after the Hickman insertion in July). I rarely felt the jab of a needle for a blood draw or the poke of an IV line insertion. Nurses simply had to hook up to the lumens at the end of my leash for a direct link to my vena cava.

Blood draws, chemo, hydration, medication, blood and platelet transfusions all came through my catheter. I even received my life-saving stem cells through the line.

But the ultimate patient accessory turned into my least favorite fashion accessory. I was reluctant to flaunt my PICC line in public and wore 3/4 length sleeves on the hottest summer days. After doctors swapped the PICC for the Hickman, I worried constantly that the hardware was playing peek-a-boo through my top. And I was forbidden to go into public pools or steam rooms (not that I was itching to do either with two feet of tether hanging out of my chest).

Here I am just minutes before the removal of my Hickman. Got chemo?

I'm pleased to announce that as of Wednesday, I'm wireless; I no longer need the connection. If a nurse needs blood, she'll have to get it the old-fashioned way - through a vein in my arm. I have no more dangling cords. I won't need daily flushes with Heperan or weekly bandage changes. My clothing choices will expand, and, YES, I will be able to return to the Kabuki Springs and Spa on my next trip to San Francisco (scheduled 2-23).

Paula once brought up the subject of what to do with an old Hickman. I believe she proposed creating a Christmas ornament or running over it repeatedly with my Prius.

The extracted Hickman catheter: The red mark is actually scar tissue. The length of cord below that mark (to the right) was concealed in my chest; the cord and hardware above was in plain view.

I have a few other ideas for recycling the Catheter:

• Entertain Tiger and Heather with a new cat toy.

• Paint it pink and create a commemorative bracelet.

• Look for a pre-tween with a Malibu Barbie convertible and offer to make a gas pumping station.

• Save it for a Fourth of July salute to the red, white and blue.
  

Suspicious at first, Tiger takes the bait, but soon grows bored.

I'm not quite ready to trash the contraption just yet. Who knows - it may end up being a prop for The Big C, Little C one day.