Positive Side Effects

What do you call those people who fake pain in order to get their doctors to prescribe narcotics?

It would be hard to fake a major spike in eosinophils in order to get a Prednisone prescription, but I can see how it would be tempting to try. This time, I'm riding the wave of the positive side effects of the 'roids.

First of all there's that whole metabolic rate increase. I've lost 3/4 pound while typing this blog post. Not that I need to lose any weight, mind you. In spite of overzealous overeating, I've lost eight pounds in six weeks (five from the EOS and three from three days of 'roids). I obviously need to step up my pig-out pace, and the timing couldn't be better. My refrigerator has become a shrine to all things pork: ham, sausage and bacon are shoulder-to-shoulder. Low fat and no fat products are banned. Sweets are in abundance. (If only I could find the three-pound bag of Jelly Bellies I hid.) Lucky me, and I mean it this time without a trace of irony.

And then there's the insomnia. (Don't be surprised to find me leaving blog or Facebook comments at 2:30 am and then again at 4 am after a 2-hour nap.) I'm not fighting it this time; I'm simply getting things done. Just last night I finished writing the great American novel. Well, at least a flash fiction version of it. I was inspired by pal Paula Johnson's new Rose City Sisters flash fiction anthology blog that launches on May 1.

I started out reading good examples of flash fiction, but those weren't the least bit inspiring. The brilliant stuff made me want to throw in the power cord before my fingers even hit the keys. The bad stuff was an entirely different matter. "This stuff is crap," I thought. "I can do better."

I've completed my 1,000-word submission. It's definitely not brilliant, but I don't think it's crap either. (Alas, it likely fits in that vast wasteland of mediocrity.) But not to worry. Paula points out that the goal is to try something different and to have fun in the process. By that measure, I succeeded.

Now excuse me while I slip downstairs and work on gaining back that 3/4 pound I just lost.