Last day of radiation is tomorrow, thankfully. I am tired of my outside blistering and my inside turning to mush. Five more chemos left. To say I've been depressed lately would be a gross understatement- bursts of tears will be triggered by something as trivial as guilt over my mom buying me socks. I feel like a burden. Everything seems too delicate and temporary. I look out and see paper houses and paper trees, origami lives being smooshed to bits every now and then for no particular reason. My current situation is seeped in self-induced loneliness and death and anxiety over how short my life might be. I really wish I could say troop morale was better, but, war is always grim.
I want you all to know that the King is alive and well somewhere south of my bellybutton.
![](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_vwk035dsK00NhGC6ztOvZBR2lF7Ep1Ug0Qk4WGPdim8AjnjpACYsFbUpT2OmW4-E5dKH2J7N4gdaNqyUye3FEXNXfB2TYbbKyWp5nCUEkqUakc-8QwIVB-zT3-5BSZRAz_fXVsTXdgsw=s0-d)
Maybe when I'm better I'll get him tattooed over the burn?
things to be happy about tonight:
++solitude
++clean sheets in a cold room
++learning to play piano
++20 plus pages written
++the privilege of extra time that treatment has given me
++always possibilities
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