stranger in a strange land

It's 2:30 in the afternoon and I am sitting in my hotel room, having just eating cold soggy french fries and what I am sure was a hopelessly inauthentic Philly cheese steak from room service (at $14.00 before taxes, surcharge and tip, it was the cheapest thing on the menu and came without the promised fried onions).

The sound of my typing is being drowned out by yelling and the relentless cacophony of sirens on the street below, despite the fact that I am on one of the top floors of what was reportedly Philadelphia's first skyscraper.

I am having a weird day.

My departure for Philadelphia this morning was a bit fraught, the usual clutter and chaos being compounded by last minute additions to the Hallowe'en costumes (D. is going as Wolverine and S. went to school as a hippie and will be dressing up as Sarah Palin - not my idea - this evening. Last night, he was hobbling around the house with one hand on his hip, chirping "You betcha!"). I spent a good twenty minutes looking for the theatrical makeup (for Wolverine's facial hair and a peace symbol for the hippie), only to find it in the very first place I had looked, buried under a pile of rubble.

I managed to get out the door only slightly later than planned and, after 15 minutes of desperate waving, finally snagged a cab.

I sailed through airport check-in (did you know that there is a charge for every piece of luggage now?) and security and got into the line for US Immigration. I always get really nervous when I have to go through Customs or Immigration (doesn't matter which direction), even though I never try to smuggle or hide anything. When the only female worker waved me over for my turn, I was pleased, convinced that she would be more likely to be sympathetic to the purpose of my trip.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Agent: "What is the purpose of your trip to Philadelphia?"

Me: "I'm going to a conference."

Agent: "What kind of conference?"

Me: "Breast cancer..."

Agent: "What's your job?"

Me: "I am a researcher with a union."

Agent: "Then why are you going to this conference?"

Me: "I'm a survivor."

That's when it started to fall apart. I babbled (I do this when I am nervous) something about it being organized by Living Beyond Breast Cancer and that it was called, "News You Can Use."

And then I told her that I was on disability (I am quite sure that I meant to say something else).

Agent: "How long have you been on disability?"

Me: "Ummm...since I was diagnosed...April 2006." (this is inaccurate but I was really flailing at this point).

Then I pulled myself together and said, clearly and forcefully: "But I have a good job to go back to and my insurance company pays x percent of my wage."

Agent: "OK."

Wow. I don't know if I've managed to convey her hostility but she really was very hostile.

I was shaking a little bit afterwards.

On the flight, I sat beside M., a very nice engineer from Alabama. We talked the whole way about Canadian winters (he had spent a winter in Ontario and enjoyed it), kids, blended families, the book I'm reading (Guantanamo's Child by Michelle Shephard) and life in general. I even took a stab at explaining what it means to live in a Constitutional Monarchy and the Canadian and provinicial electoral systems.

M., an employee of the US military, expressed his frustration that, in his opinion, dissent has come to be equated with a lack of patriotism in his country (he also said that the only part of the constitution with which he didn't agree was the right to bear arms).

He also said that he's hopeful that Obama will be elected and that he will bring about real and positive change ("these things don't happen overnight"), if he can build bridges and start work on some concrete projects (he used "energy independence" as an example).

I don't usually chat on planes but M. was a very cool seat mate and the 90 minute trip passed quickly (despite the fact that we weren't offered so much as a glass of water).

At the Philadelphi airport, I grabbed my bag and made my way to the taxi stand. When I announced my destination, the driver said, "I don't know if I can get you all the way there because of the parade."

The World Series parade! In the middle of the day! On Hallowe'en!

It wasn't long before we came apon the diverse (in every way imaginable), festive and very boisterous crowds.

We drove until we literally could go no further. I relinquished my cab to an incredibly happy young couple.

"Do you have to work today?" I was asked sympathetically.

I replied, "I just got here, I'm from Canada!"

"Wow!!!"

I wish sports could make me that happy.

I watched people dancing and singing, cheering and drinking. I saw strangers hug each other as they passed on the street and I saw a couple of gratuitous acts of vandalism.

Walking agains the flow of human traffic, I bravely made my way to the hotel (there were four large security guys standing outside, each with their eyes as wide as dinner plates) and checked in. I immediately went out again for wine and food. I secured the wine but quickly deduced that the only way I was going to eat was if I ordered room service (every restaurant within miles was packed or closed).

And now I find myself, a few hours later (I interrupted this post for a nap and a shower), typing in my pajamas, with a glass of wine by my side. I am starting to feel hungry again but don't really feel like venturing out again.

I don't feel like facing the last of the revelers. Or the sirens.

And I really don't feel like getting dressed.

Maybe I still have some trail mix in my bag.

You'll be hearing a lot from me this month. NaBloPoMo starts tomorrow (which is why my laptop is with me and the reason I am paying $10.95/day for internet. It's not because I'm addicted. Really).

CD133+ cells within osteosarcoma cell lines

Detection and characterization of CD133+ cancer stem cells in human solid tumours by Virginia Tirino and 8 co-authors, including Gianpaolo Papaccio, PLoS ONE 2008(Oct 21); 3(10): e3469. PubMed Abstract:

BACKGROUND: Osteosarcoma is the most common primary tumour of bone. Solid tumours are made of heterogeneous cell populations, which display different goals and roles in tumour economy. A rather small cell subset can hold or acquire stem potentials, gaining aggressiveness and increasing expectancy of recurrence. The CD133 antigen is a pentaspan membrane glycoprotein, which has been proposed as a cancer stem cell marker, since it has been previously demonstrated to be capable of identifying a cancer initiating subpopulation in brain, colon, melanoma and other solid tumours. Therefore, our aim was to observe the possible presence of cells expressing the CD133 antigen within solid tumour cell lines of osteosarcoma and, then, understand their biological characteristics and performances. METHODOLOGY AND PRINCIPAL FINDINGS: In this study, using SAOS2, MG63 and U2OS, three human sarcoma cell lines isolated from young Caucasian subjects, we were able to identify and characterize, among them, CD133+ cells showing the following features: high proliferation rate, cell cycle detection in a G2\M phase, positivity for Ki-67, and expression of ABCG2 transporters. In addition, at the FACS, we were able to observe the CD133+ cell fraction showing side population profile and forming sphere-clusters in serum-free medium with a high clonogenic efficiency. CONCLUSIONS: Taken together, our findings lead to the thought that we can assume that we have identified, for the first time, CD133+ cells within osteosarcoma cell lines, showing many features of cancer stem cells. This can be of rather interest in order to design new therapies against the bone cancer.

The full text of this article is openly accessible.

Eatin' good in the Neighborhood

The girls really racked up this Halloween, it was there first time really trick or treating; so I walked the on a short tour of the neighborhood on our first trip out (Rhonda stayed and handed out candy). The first trip was not enough to wear them out (I guess at this point they I was on a sugar high) so we went out on our second trip the extended tour of the neighborhood this trip yielded more candy but it also broke their will to search for new prey (aka candy, candy, candy). They were so tired I had to carry Ravyn's candy bucket up to each door, then she would take it to put in candy then hand it back to me so we could move on to the next house. I ended up carry Ravyn home and toting both candy buckets too. It was a good walk though I think most of the IV contrast is out of my system now, walked alot and drunk too much water.

IV CT Today

Got my CT scan today, I had a nice nurse a fellow cancer survivor who was empathetic to my aversion to not being stuck multiple times while having an IV placed in.

I will be drinking a lot of water today about 1 and a half gallons to get all the IV contrast out of my system. I will also be taking NAC pills for the next couple of days to help clear all the radioactive junk out. By the way I hate IV contrast because it tastes bad and burns your insides like fire when it is going in.

The lung cancer walk tomorrow morning, I am looking forward to it; I think we will make it a family event.

Trick or Treat tonight.

Slow Thrusday

Slow Thursday, not a lot going on it is my 3^rd day at home this week:

• Monday out sick with the girls
• Tuesday work
• Wed. out getting the carpet taken out and new floors
• Thursday still working on the floors

I have my CT in the morn. lets hope I don't see any freaky stuff if I happen to use shortcut #32 and cut through the Emergency Room

Half-Pint. Full price.

Today I opened the newspaper and read jaw-dropping news. The entire series of Little House on the Prairie is being released in one giant DVD set. It has 60 discs and includes every episode and all of the made-for-TV movies. Anyone remember the movie where Baby Rose gets kidnapped in Mankato on Christmas Eve? Aw, yeah!

Then I saw the price: $300. I guess I will have to Netflick it.

As soon as I read about this, I had to run to e-mail my sister. Then all of this thinking about Little House got me to reminiscing about my lunch box in first grade. It was the Most. Awesome. Lunch box. Ever:



The lunch box has disappeared. I think in some unwise fit of "I'm too cool for this now", I must have sold it at a yard sale or thrown it away. I think the same fate befell my Hangin' Tough Live VHS tape. How could I have been so foolish? How?

I discovered I can get the lunch box on ebay. If I want the one in pristine condition with the thermos, it is $115. Scratched and thermos-free, it's $40.

Hmm. $40. I could get eight Little House DVDs for that.

book review: "hell bent"*

I like fast-paced mystery novels that grab my attention from the first page and sustain my interest until the end.

I like books that are well written and that entertain without offending me and that use characters to move a story forward without resorting to stereotype.

And I like suspense novels that surprise me without stretching the bounds of credulity to their absolute limit (there is only so much disbelief I am capable of suspending).

On all of these fronts, Hell Bent, by William G. Taply delivers.

"Boston attorney Brady Coyne finds his own past coming back to haunt his professional life when his ex-girlfriend Alex Sinclair wants him to represent her brother. Augustine Sinclair was a notable photo-journalist, happily married with two small children - until he returned from a stint in Iraq, missing a hand and suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Now he's lost his career, his peace of mind and his family. Brady is hired to see him through the divorce but before they get very far, the photographer is found dead in his rented apartment, an apparent suicide.

But something isn't right and Brady starts to think the suicide is staged. With very little to go on and everyone around him wanting to close the books on the case, Brady soon finds himself in the midst of one of the most dangerous situations of his entire life, facing people who will do anything to avoid being exposed."

As a mystery novel, Hell Bent was highly entertaining, a real page turner that kept my interest. It's well written, with interesting characters and unexpected plot twists.

As a central character, though, Brady Coyne is just too perfect. He prefers to represent underdogs, is pining faithfully for the long-term girlfriend who left him four months earlier (despite the fact that she won't let him call her and leaves him messages telling him to move on) and has a stated weakness for strong, smart women:

"I liked feisty, independent, competent, autonomous, self-contained women. I liked women who knew what they wanted and went after it. I liked women who thought they were at least as important and capable and valuable as men."

Women all seem to be vulnerable to his charms (every woman in the book is described in considerable physical detail and they almost all seem to be beautiful) and men want to be his friend.

He is also modest, self-deprecating and fairly self-critical.

And he is very loyal and attached to his dog, Henry.

Brady Coyne is just too good to be true.

I like flawed characters. I like protagonists who screw up but are essentially well-meaning and good hearted.

This is especially true for mysteries which have an inherent element of good versus evil. When good is too good, it can get just a touch, well, boring.

But really, that's just a quibble (and this one that is leagues better than the mystery novels with a hard boiled detective and the inevitable blond, bosomy bimbo who is the secretary/victim/murderess).

I liked Hell Bent. And if you like well-written, fast-paced mysteries, with progressive politics and interesting characters, you will too.

*This is a review of a book that was sent to me via Library Thing's Early Reviewer Program.

Mesothelioma Basics

Mesothelioma is rare type of cancer that is caused by the exposure of asbestos. Asbestos is a naturally occurring mineral that has been and is still used in various building and construction applications due to its fire-resistant and insulating properties. Asbestos exposure is often caused by inhalation or digestion of microscopic fibers. When the microscopic asbestos brought into the body (most typically through inhalation), the particles attach themselves to the mesothelial lining of the lungs and can also attach themselves to the lining of the heart and abdomen. Many construction workers, shipyard workers, Naval vessel crew, asbestos manufacturing plant workers, power plant workers and chemical plant workers (to name just a few) are typically the ones who develop Mesothelioma due to their exposure to the toxic asbestos.

People can develop Mesothelioma at any age, however, many do not see aparent symptoms until their 70's and 80's. Common therapies for Mesothelioma include radiation therapy, surgery, anticancer drugs, and chemotherapy. Though the effects of asbestos exposure are quite apparent, the United States has yet to ban the manufacture of cancer causing agent.

No Infection

So far I am staying out of the spa, the meds are working on the girls, I hope that any sickness will holdoff until I can do the lung cancer walk on Saturday. I also have to stay out of the spa because whenever I go in my wife goes shopping.

Symptoms of Mesothelioma of the Heart

Of the 3,000 cases of mesothelioma each year, the rarest is mesothelioma of the heart called pericardial mesothelioma. The causes of pericardial mesothelioma is still not fully understood by scientists and doctors. Many scientists believe that asbestos is inhaled and ultimately makes its way to the blood stream however this is still very much a theory.

What is known is that asbestos fibers get stuck in the pericardial membranes of the heart. Over time, the accumalation of these asbestos fibers cause changes in the cells of the pericardium often resulting in cancer. Once these cells become cancerous, the divide and multiply rapidly. As these mesothelioma cells increase in quantity, the pericardial membranes thicken resulting in tumors. This build up puts pressure on the heart.

Since pericardial mesothelioma is so rare, it has been difficult for doctors to create a list of recognizable symptoms. The problem is that symptoms of pericardial mesothelioma resemble symptoms of other heart diseases. If any of the following symptoms are occuring, it is advised that one should seek medical attention as soon as possible. Only a number of specific tests can determine whether mesothelioma of the heart is apparent.

Symptoms of mesothelioma (pericardial mesothelioma) of the heart include:

• Heart palpitations
• Chest pain
• Difficulty breathing (event at rest)
• Fever
• Night sweats
• Fatigue

Symptoms of Mesothelioma of the Abdomen

There are 3,000 cases of mesothelioma a year and of those cases, 10 to 20% of those cases are mesothelioma of the abdomen called peritoneal mesothelioma. Peritoneal Mesothelioma occurs in the abdomen that effect the mesothelial cells that form the peritoneum. The peritoneum is comprised of two layers that surround, support and protect organs in the abdomen.

Like the other forms of mesothelioma, peritoneal mesothelioma is not complete understood as to how it forms. Many scientist believe that peritoneal mesothelioma is caused by one of two ways. The first theory is that asbestos is ingested and find there way to the digestive organs. The other way is by inhaling the asbestos fibers. The asbestos finds its way to the peritoneal membrane through the lymphatic system.

Regardless of how the asbestos fibers find their way to the abdomen, they can not be expelled. Over time, the peritoneum thickens often resulting in cancerous tumors. Like pericardial mesothelioma (mesothelioma of the heart) or pleural mesothelioma (mesothelioma of the lungs), peritoneal mesothelioma are vague and can often be confused with other non-serious diseases. However, if you or someone you know has been exposed to asbestos in the past 20 to 50 years (or ever), and you experience of the following symptoms, it is advised that you seek the consultation of a doctor. Only tests can determine if mesothelioma is present.

Symptoms of Mesothelioma of the abdomen area include:

• Night sweats
  
• Fever
• Weight loss that can't be explained
• Unexplained diarrhea or constipation
• Nausea and/or vomiting
• Lumps under the skin on the abdomen
• Swelling and/or pain in the abdomen
• Anemia
• Fatigue

Which old mommy? The wicked mommy!

WCK had a rough morning. I think nearly a month of pacifier-free sleep deprivation is finally catching up with her, because she was just not herself. She was misbehaving terribly during our trip to the pumpkin patch, and she was picking on smaller kids. I don't really have a Discipline Plan for these types of situations, as she is usually very well behaved out in public. (Really! She is!) She usually gets along very well with other children. (Really! She does!) Today, however, we had to have several Serious Talks about throwing rocks, pushing people, etc., and she was pretty annoyed with me by the time it was all over.

Later, I heard her singing softly to herself: "Ding! Dong! The mommy's dead!"

Nice. Nice. I think I'll go lie down under a nice, quiet house for a while.

Symptoms of Mesothelioma of the Lungs

Mesothelioma of the lungs is called pleural mesothelioma. Symptoms of mesothelioma may not appear for 20 to 40 years after exposure and sometimes longer. Around 3000 people are diagnosed with malignant mesothelioma each year. Roughly 2/3 of mesothelioma cases are Pleural mesothelioma. Pleural mesothelioma occurs in the lining of the lungs called the pleural membrane.

Pleural mesothelioma is caused by the inhalation of asbestos fibers. Once the asbestos fibers are brought into the lungs, they find their way to the pleural membrane. Over time, typically 20 years and more, the accumulation of these fibers begins to scare the lining of the lungs. The scaring causes tumor growth on the lungs and ultimately cancer. The cancerous cells prevent the creation of healthy cells and ultimately the pleural member thickens. As a result, lung capacity is reduced and fluid begins to fill between the pleural layers.

Symptoms of mesothelioma of the lungs (Pleural Mesothelioma) include:

• Dry or raspy cough
• Night sweats
• Fever
• Unexplained weight loss (10% or more)
• Difficulty in swallowing
• Fatigue
• Persistent pain in the chest
• Painful breathing
• Coughing up blood
• Wheezing
  
• Shortness of breath (even during rest)
• Lumps under the skin on the chest

BOTM NOVEMBER NOW AVAILABLE FOR PICKUP

BOTM NOVEMBER IS HERE! DRINK, YOU DRINKERS!

cheers,

dave

BEER: OLD VISCOSITY AND GIFT OF THE MAGI

2 arriivals from Port Brewing today.

1. Old Viscosity- bourbon barrel aged imperial stout.
2. Gift of the Magi-Winter release Biere de Garde with brettanomyces and spices

I'd say more, but I assume you're already on your way.

cheers,

dave

heartbreaking

Beautiful Jen, from the Comfy Place, wrote a post that really got to me today.

"Last night came thoughts about how dying of cancer is in some ways a kinder way to leave those you love behind. It gives those we love time to come to terms with our demise well before it happens. I have even had my Mum remark that she feels she has been grieving whilst I am still alive. One of my close friends has said the same thing, in a sense. She says she has grieved already, she knows it will continue in fits and starts and she is sure that when I do finally pass she will grieve again but I have noticed how people seem to come to terms with their loss whilst the person with the illness is still alive and with them. I believe this is because they can think about it, as horrid as it is to think about the world without that particular person in it, they can think about it while safely knowing that the person is within touching distance or a phone call away. Then it came to me how children may not get this option of slowly grieving whilst the person they love is still alive. I think because we tend to protect them and want to shelter them from anything painful but I believe in cases like this, we are making it harder on them when the person does actually pass."

Jen needs to have a talk with her sons, one that I have often thought about. She is brave and strong and thoughtful and loves her boys passionately.

There was a time, not that long ago that I thought a similar conversation with my own boys was imminent. Jen's honesty is inspiring and I will think of her when my time comes.

But I grieve for her tonight.

Cross-posted to Mothers With Cancer.

Calling All Jazz Fans

A3M (Asians for Miracle Marrow Matches) annual fundraising event, Starnight, will feature jazz pianist Keiko Matsui. Tickets are still available for as little as $47 for this November 2 event at the Cerritos Center for the Performing Arts.

If you'd like to splurge, consider the VIP package with dinner, a silent auction and the concert. I've been helping with the auction descriptions for the bid sheets and can tell you that there are some amazing items. If you're interested in seeing Celine Dion, the Cheetah Girls, the Ducks or the Bruins in luxury box seats at the Honda Center, send me an email (susancarrier@sbcglobal.net), and I'll give you more details. If you like, I can bid on your behalf.

Even though "Asians" is in the name of the organization, they work tirelessly to sign up all minorities for the National Bone Marrow Registry. I'm excited because they just hired a Spanish-speaking representative to do outreach and recruitment in the Latino community.

Candy Banter

I'm back from Ohio and West Virginia, land of the bad perm, the all-you-can buffet and biscuits and sausage gravy. I indulged in guilt-free gluttony and packed four more pounds on to my skinny bones.

"Yes, I can" was my mantra for the week. When the waitress asked if I wanted more sweet tea or a piece of Coca Cola Chocolate Cake with a side of ice cream. When Daddy offered more home made oatmeal cookies or another helping of chilli and corn bread. (He's become a very good cook.) Yes, I could, and yes, I did.

I didn't consume any candy, but I sure had fun reading about your top three favorite Halloween candy treats. (And I especially loved that some "lurkers" came forward with a comment.) The comments and my recent post about running really got me thinking:

• Why is it easier to come up with our three favorite candies than three words that identify us?

• Why is it easier to come up with things that we are not (or don't want to be)than things that we are? (I am NOT that listless woman being pushed around in a wheel chair at City of Hope.)

• Is there any correlation between the candy we love and our identities or personalities? Are candy corn lovers playful? What does the way we attack a Blow Pop or Tootsie Pop say about our patience levels? (I bite into my Tootsie Pops.) Are chocolate lovers the sweetest?

When we were little trick-or-treaters in Clarksburg, West, Virginia, Robert and I high-tailed it to the "rich" part of town, where the residents treated us with full-size candy bars. Now every year I like to play "big shot" and give out full-size bars or bags of candy. It's my little tradition. This year, the little ghosts and goblins and Sarah Palins will receive a big bag of M&Ms, not one of the mini versions.

Speaking of tradition, I think it's a wonderful way to define ourselves as individuals, as families and as communities. When I was in West Virginia, I got to take part in a day of apple-butter making, a six-generation tradition in the Allen family. The 50-gallon copper cauldron we used is more than 150 years old. Now that's tradition. I'll post photos and the story in the next couple days.

In the meantime, remember those Kit Kats are for the trick-or-treaters.

(It's not too late to share your three favorie Halloween candies or your three-word ID tag.)

my big little man

D. in 2003

D. in 2008

Single-cell cloning of colon cancer stem cells

Single-cell cloning of colon cancer stem cells reveals a multi-lineage differentiation capacity by Louis Vermeulen and 8 co-authors, including Jan Paul Medema, Proc Natl Acad Sci USA 2008( Sep 9);105(36): 13427-32. PubMed Abstract:

Colon carcinoma is one of the leading causes of death from cancer and is characterized by a heterogenic pool of cells with distinct differentiation patterns. Recently, it was reported that a population of undifferentiated cells from a primary tumor, so-called cancer stem cells (CSC), can reconstitute the original tumor on xenotransplantation. Here, we show that spheroid cultures of these colon CSCs contain expression of CD133, CD166, CD44, CD29, CD24, Lgr5, and nuclear beta-catenin, which have all been suggested to mark the (cancer) stem cell population. More importantly, by using these spheroid cultures or freshly isolated tumor cells from multiple colon carcinomas, we now provide compelling evidence to indicate that the capacity to propagate a tumor with all differentiated progeny resides in a single CSC. Single-cell-cloned CSCs can form an adenocarcinoma on xenotransplantation but do not generate the stroma within these tumors. Moreover, they can self-renew and are capable of multilineage differentiation. Further analysis indicated that the lineage decision is dictated by phosphoinositide 3-kinase (PI3K) signaling in CSCs. These data support the hypothesis that tumor hierarchy can be traced back to a single CSC that contains multilineage differentiation capacity, and provides clues to the regulation of differentiation in colon cancers in vivo.

Sinus Infection

The girls are a little sick so, I kept them out of school and daycare today. I took them to the doctor today and they have sinus infections an immunosuppressed persons Kryptonite (or one of our Kryptonites WE HAVE MANY). I remember two years ago ending up in the emergency room because I got a sinus infection from the girls. I hope I don’t catch their latest bug, I hope the antibiotics work quickly… in the mean time I will increase my fluid in take to a gallon of fluids per day, daily and nightly nasal washes with sterile saline, wearing my mask at home, and Lysol spraying my desk at work…..

I ain’t going to the spa.

on holding one's breath

A few of you have said you want to see less "cute girl" on the blog and more gritty truth. Is this morbid curiosity? Or are you just tired of balloons?

Some of you will see me around on my good days, or you'll see self portraits and say "You look great and healthy and happy as ever". This is not entirely untrue- for those precious few days I am very, very happy.

I am not acting but you are still seeing a show.

here is my reality:


My life now is hooked to an IV 24 hrs a day, five days a week. My life is nausea, my life is too tired to speak. My life misses the comfort of fingertips along my back, taking my mind off of pain. These days I am not touched without gloves. My life now is a ritual of treatment, my place of worship the hospital. Every Sunday offering up my blood to white-robed oracles and praying my counts will be ok. In Sunday school, long ago, didn't I accept the blood of christ? emanation, martyrdom. I can't help but draw parallels. You get to the point where you can do no more unless it's for others. That's what I'm feeling now- I wouldn't be doing this if it were not for others. If I was alone I'd be content with an untimely end. I'm sacrificing for all of you.
blasphemy.

It's day one. I will hold my breath and come back up for air four days from now.

wish me luck.

I am a runner

Have you noticed that women can get away with a lot of things that men can’t? It’s easy for a gal to approach a total stranger and compliment her hair, an article of clothing or body part. And we (or at least I) can get downright nosy after the sweet talk. “What product do you use on your hair?” “Where did you find your bag?” “How did you get those gorgeous gams?”

That’s what I thought when I saw a woman in a short skort in the security line at LAX. She had the firmest, shapeliest legs I’ve ever seen on a 50+ woman. Actually, they were among the best-looking legs I’ve seen on any age woman. Of course, I felt obligated to share my observation and envy.

She beamed and explained, “I’m a runner.”

I wasn’t surprised that running produced her firm, athletic legs, but I was caught off guard by her choice of words. Not “I run” or “I like to run” but “I’m a runner.” Running was clearly more than exercise; it was part of her identity.

For the third time in less than a year, I’m rebuilding my body. Prior to my most recent bout with pneumonia, I exercised fanatically – three to four mile walks several times a week interspersed with Pilates, strength training and cardio at the gym. I was a perpetual motion machine determined to increase my stamina, strength, muscle tone and flexibility. But my identity wasn’t tied to any of these activities. If someone asked me what I did for exercise, I wouldn’t say, “I’m a walker” or “I’m a weight lifter” any more than I would declare, “I’m a toilet flusher.”

And yet I frequently hear those three words, “I’m a runner.”

As a post-middle aged, post-cancer woman in search of identity, this appeals to me. My friend Barbara, who has just returned to graduate school at age 40, said that one of her professors asked students to introduce themselves with just three words. (She chose mom, cats and Democrat.) At one time I also would have included “mom,” but now that Cynthia is nearly 20, my role and influence are diminishing. I will always be a mother, but it’s no longer central to my identity. I don’t think “wife” has ever been part of my identity, and yet I’m still adjusting to the identity shift that comes with a separation.

So where does that leave me? The only thing I know for certain is that I am a writer. It is what I do and it is who I am.

But I’m fascinated with the possibility of adding “runner” to my three-word ID tag. It’s power packed with imagery and metaphor. We run for our lives, run for cover, run amok.

I love to visualize myself as a wild cheetah effortlessly using my long, lean legs to stride across the Serengeti. And I love the thought of pushing myself and running toward a finish line.

I ask Running Woman, “How many miles does someone have to run before she can call herself a runner?” “That’s the beauty of it,” she answers. “If you run even one mile a week, you’re a runner.” I’ve often said the same thing to aspiring writers, “If you write, you are a writer. You do not have to be published to say ‘I am a writer.’”

I plan to start off with an easy walk-run routine and will gradually build. (At this point, I’m grateful that I can walk a mile, let alone run one.) I may love it, I may hate it or as Running Woman advises, “You will probably hate it at first, but in just a few weeks you will be surprised at what happens.”

Soon after my encounter with Running Woman, I get a chance to test my lung and leg capacity. A landing delay has shrunk my Chicago O’Hare layover from 40 to 10 minutes. I ask one of the American Airline agents if she would call the gate of my next flight to let them know I am on my way. She urges, “You can make it. You just have to run.” I want to tell her that the gate is in a terminal far, far away. I am tempted to protest that I am recovering from a severe case of eosinophilic pneumonia and have diminished lung capacity, but there is no time for that.

Instead, I run. Almost immediately I feel the cumulative effects of lung damage and three months of near inertia. I run and gasp, then power walk and run and pant some more. I can’t run all the way, but I keep moving until I reach the finish line.

“What’s your name?” the agent asks. I am so out of breath that, after what seems likes minutes of a heaving chest, I sputter, “Carrier, with a C.” She prints my boarding pass and I’m on my way.

I (pant) am (huff) a (puff) runner (gasp).

What three words describe you?

Link Between Sedentary Behavior and Uterine Cancer

A good day.

I had a good day today. It began with my child completely behaving herself at church. Shortly after communion, she did ask loudly, "MOMMY, IS IT TIME TO GO HOME NOW?" but, c'mon, you know everyone was thinking that. My child was the only one who was brave enough to admit it.

After that, I went out to lunch and got a pedicure with some friends. My toes are now bright blue. I base my toe color purely on what will entertain WCK. My toes were purple until today.

When I got home, it was time for family pumpkin carving. The photo is a little blurred. I get a little nervous about using actual candles inside pumpkins these days, so I was very excited when I found these awesome electric tea lights at Joann's Fabric. They're orange and they flicker; you can't even tell they're not real candles. WCK picked the designs: Kitty, "nice ghost" (as opposed to "scary ghost"), and bat.




After the carving, we had crock pot chicken from this recipe I found online. It was insanely easy, and WCK actually ate her entire portion of food, which is almost unheard of in our house. Usually when I cook something for her, she eats, like, one molecule of it and says she's full.

A good day.

and the gold star goes to...

Mother to 10 year old son: How did you get to be such a good kid?

Son: Good parenting?

moving day, moving on

The only thing left to eat in my apartment this morning was quick oats. the irony does not escape me.


People often ask me if having cancer is a surreal experience. Can you imagine only having a year or two to live? Neither can I. I usually say that I've acclimated by now and grown accustomed to the "realness" of my situation. When I awoke today in my beloved apartment for the last time, third story sun shining through my big victorian windows, everything felt like another dimension. In a way, it was- I was waking up to my past. The life I lead before cancer is history, and I'm having a hard time letting go. I want to hold on with white-knuckled desperation because at 23 I was finally coming into my own, for the first time in my life. There was an inclination of something monumental just upon the horizon, and I was right, though it was not what I had expected. Because of this I've started to ruminate on fate, or purpose, or whatever you'd like to call it. I felt cancer coming intuitively, and now I believe it is a roadblock I am meant to overcome. My fate has more glorious and catastrophic things in store.

now you see it

now you don't.


Moving day is today. I've always loved the idea of leaving things behind to be found in old houses. I want to find something or leave something- little pieces of the past, a sentence to a story you'll never know. The idea of a legacy left behind, even to a stranger. Other people's lives fascinate me. I always thought I'd have a child eventually, and I could leave all my writings and odd things behind to be passed down. I'd be someone's crazy great-great-great grandmother that left all of her love-letters and ramblings. Now I'm faced with the very real possibility that this won't happen, that I'll die prematurely in some hospital bed and slowly be forgotten. My story will rot in a box somewhere, just as I will. Perhaps the only way for me to move on from this is to leave a part of me behind.

I need to pry up some floorboards and get to it.

Two articles about brain tumor initiating cells

Hedgehog signaling regulates brain tumor initiating cell proliferation and portends shorter survival for patients with PTEN-coexpressing glioblastomas by Qijin Xu, Xiangpeng Yuan, Gentao Liu, Keith L Black, John S Yu, Stem Cells 2008(Sep 11) [Epub ahead of print][PubMed Citation].

SOX2 silencing in glioblastoma tumor initiating cells causes stop of proliferation and loss of tumorigenicity by Rosaria Maria Rita Gangemi and 9 co-authors, including Giorgio Corte, Stem Cells 2008(Oct 23) [Epub ahead of print][PubMed Citation].

Neither of these articles is openly accessible.

A lesson in homonyms

Several months ago, I found a dinosaur matching game in the one-dollar bin at Target. This is probably my best Target-one-dollar-bin purchase EVER. WCK and I play the dinosaur game almost every day. After we match up our dinosaur cards, I tell her that we'll each count up how many pairs we have.

Yesterday, I forgot to say that we'd be counting the pairs.

"Mommy," said WCK, "aren't we going to count the peaches?"

McSexist

I have an ever-evolving relationship with McDonald's. I used to eat there now and again and never thought about it too much. Then, about a year or so before I had WCK, Jay and I watched Supersize Me, and it scared us out of our wits. We did not set foot in a McDonald's until WCK was two years old. We were driving to Iowa and couldn't find anywhere else to stop. Since then, I've realized that McDonald's is actually a really good place, if it is used responsibly. For example, I don't think WCK realizes that they serve fries there, as we always order apple slices with her Happy Meal. I always get one of the big salads, which are exxxxxxcelllent.

We only visit McDonald's for the following reasons:

1. When we need to bribe our child. I know this is wrong, but McDonald's made last week's flu shot a completely painless ordeal.

2. When we travel. This also goes hand-in-hand with the bribery, because sometimes the promise of McDonald's on the road is the only thing that can convince WCK to leave her grandparents' homes. Also, we've discovered some interesting locations. The McDonald's just outside of Rochester, Minnesota, is really fancy and has a reading area, video games, and a giant Happy Meal that kids can climb in. A McDonald's in Mitchell, South Dakota has a robot Ronald that sings to you.

3. When it is a cold and/or rainy day, and I feel like I'll go insane unless I take WCK somewhere she can run and climb for an hour. McDonald's play areas are amazing things.

4. When they're giving away Wizard of Oz toys in the Happy Meals. These are for me.

Still, I have one big issue with McDonald's. Why is it, whenever I order a Happy Meal, the person behind the counter must ask me if I want the "boy toy" or the "girl toy"? Why can't the counterperson just ask if I want the Hello Kitty or the Batman? The Barbie or the toy car? My little girl honestly prefers the toy car. And if a boy wanted the Barbie, more power to him! I don't think a McDonald's worker should stand in his way.

UK/CIRM collaboration agreement

State, United Kingdom team for stem cell work by Bernadette Tansey, SFGate, October 21, 2008. Excerpts:

California's stem cell funding institute is teaming up with its United Kingdom counterpart to support research collaborations between scientists, the two government agencies said Monday.

.....

Under the new agreement, teams that include United Kingdom and California scientists will be able to file joint grant applications to the state's stem cell funding institute and the United Kingdom's Medical Research Council. For teams that win grants, the California institute will fund the work of the California members and the research council will pay for the research conducted in the United Kingdom.

.....

The state stem cell funding institute announced similar agreements in June with the Australian state of Victoria and Canada's Cancer Stem Cell Consortium. Victoria pledged $100 million to the effort.

Found via: UK, CIRM ink collaboration agreement by David Jensen, California Stem Cell Report, October 22, 2008.

See also: UK and California agree to collaborate on stem cell research by Monya Baker, The Niche, October 21, 2008. The first two paragraphs:

California’s stem cell funding agency signed a memorandum of understanding with the United Kingdom, expediting collaborations between scientists in the two locations.

Robert Klein, chair of the California Institute of Stem Cell Research and Lord Paul Drayson, UK’s Minister for Science, met in the San Francisco airport to sign the four-page document.

Busy Saturday, No Time for sickness

Fall Festival at the daycare.

What a busy day.

We got up early today to vote we got to the sub-courthouse at about 0742 CST. The wait was not too long I think we waited about 2 minutes. The girls voted with me I used the both with a chair so the girls could take turns selecting the candidates we liked (using the electronic voting machine).

The last soccer game Raegan played well, next year she will be dominating I will be stronger and able to run more and practice with her and little sister.

Boo At The Zoo, Let’s walk......

While Smookie's away, her friends will play...

Halloween is almost here, and it's all I can do to prevent myself from diving headfirst into the candy display at Vons and just sort of rolling around until a few dozen "fun size" candy bars unwrap themselves and accidentally fall into my gaping maw.

While Susan enjoys quality time (and, we hope, calorie-laden meals) with her family in West Virginia, let's use this opportunity to play candy confessions. Please, no Godiva snobbery—just state your favorite three varieties of store-bought candy.

I'll go first:

1. Snickers
2. Peppermint Patties
3. M&Ms

Happy Halloween!

Announcement

In my post of October 10th, I said I was going to talk about my latest advocacy venture. Here goes!

After publishing my web site, I became involved with many diagnosed with appendix cancer who emailed me after discovering my site. I've also communicated with those who have abdominal cancers of origins besides appendiceal cancer and who often seek the same treatments from the same specialists. They deal with all of the same issues those of us diagnosed with appendix cancer deal with. Except for cancer origin, all of our issues are the same. We all have "peritoneal surface malignancies", or advanced abdominal cancers.

My email communications now number in the thousands (I REALLY need to learn to type!). I've used hundreds of cell minutes talking to the newly diagnosed, and I now use Skype to communicate with some internationally. I've communicated with patients from all over the United States and all over the world including people from Norway, Ireland, the United Kingdom, Canada, Mexico, New Zealand, Asia and even the Aland Islands (had never hear of them, they are islands off of the coast of Finland). The Internet is amazing in the ability it gives us to reach into distant lands. In my quest for up-to-date information I've also communicated with many of the elite surgical oncologists who treat these cancers. I've been amazed at how generous they have been with their time and resources.

Sometimes all of these activities, in addition to maintaining my blog and site, have taken about 20-30 hours a week of my time. I have never minded that use of my time; I am blessed to be able to use my life in that way. Before and after my cancer diagnosis, I had struggled with a need to find meaning and purpose in my life; I feel I've found my purpose now in the cancer community.

I met a new friend through my involvement with the American Cancer Society, turns out she is a business consultant in her real life. She knew the work I did, and suggested I might turn my passion into my profession. At the same time, the husband of another patient who was a business entrepreneur and who lived across the country (and who didn't know anything of the other conversation) suggested the same and introduced me to the founder of a cancer non-profit nearby in Chicago. Another woman found my web site and said I reminded her of someone who had started out just like I had as a patient advocate and had gone on to found the Kidney Cancer Association that now serves thousands diagnosed with kidney cancer. I was suddenly all at once inundated with that suggestion through many unrelated sources. It was almost spooky. My daughter said "Mom, do you think God is trying to tell you something?".

The idea of a business venture and social entrepreneurship was totally out of my realm of experience and knowledge, but I started to consider it. And all of the sudden I was given resources to help me achieve that end. The business friend introduced me to the Entrepreneur Center at a local college and to people who were successful social entrepreneurs. The entrepreneur center suggested I take a business class for entrepreneurs that was just starting and still accepting students. From that point on, doors have amazingly opened one after another in ways I never would have expected or anticipated. I love the saying "God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the call". I suddenly was being equipped in an overwhelming way.

In the end I founded a non-profit organization, the Abdominal Cancer Connection. It's a project that's been my passion for about a year now. I actually have a board of directors and am chairman of a board! We recently had our first meeting. The woman I met through the American Cancer Society has supported me and helped me unendingly. An accountant with non-profit experience has donated time to helping me and agreed to be on my board. An attorney I met and just love helped me at a discounted rate file the paperwork to become 501c3, my organization is now officially a tax exempt charity. So far two renowned HIPEC surgeons have agreed to be on my advisory board, there are several others I want to approach. The American Association of Cancer Research allowed me to unveil my non-profit as part of their Scientist Survivor Program at their annual meeting in San Diego this year. It's been an amazing ride.

My latest hurdle in developing my organization has been to develop a web site and web presence. I got some estimates....$2000-3000 for professional design of the site I wanted, and those quotes were the discounted rates for non-profits. Though I've donated a few thousand dollars in setting up the organization and have received help from family and friends, I was unable to afford professional help for web site design. I have one daughter who just started college and another starting next year, so that's where my personal financial resources are going now. I constructed my own initial web site, but what I need for the organizational web site is beyond my ability.

I tried calling local universities to ask that maybe my site could be taken on as a class project, or asked if a student might be willing to donate their time, but without response. I made several calls looking for someone who might donate their time, no response. Then I received an email recently from a professional web site designer and software consultant, he had been the person I'd most wanted to do my web site back when I was obtaining quotes. His father had just been diagnosed with cancer so he contacted me about his dad. He knew from past communication with me that I was developing an organization and hoped to have a web site professionally done at some later date. In our communication he said he'd looked at my site and noticed I hadn't updated it yet to represent my organization. Did I need a web designer? If I did, he'd do my site for me for free. Wow, another door opened. We met to discuss the site this week. He also has a connection to a graphic designer who can help us. We set an official launch date for the web site as February. Amazing.

I'm sorry about the length of this post. I have a lot more to say about the organization and will post more about it in upcoming posts. Stay with me!

random fall friday

1. It was lovely enough to sit outside for a while today. The air was crisp and the birds were very, very loud. I had to come in for a phone appointment and meant to go out again but got swept up in other things.

2. We have a couple of good friends staying with us for a few days. We sat around at the dining room table this morning and I realized that the last time we had done that was when I had my head shaved in March 2006. Doesn't feel that long ago.

3. I am listening to an audio book and really enjoying it. It's The Ethical Assassin by David Liss. I am thinking of becoming his groupie.

4. The puppy (I need to take more photos of her, she is much bigger and hairier now) was spayed yesterday. She is feeling a little low, poor thing but I admit that I have enjoyed the quiet.

5. A few friends and I have formed a writing group. We are meeting one evening every month and I am very excited about it.

6. I have not had a major project on the go since finishing the book and I need one.

Another TGIF

I need to be in two places right now I really need to be hanging out on the block at WSSU’s homcomin’ with my old teammate telling lies, eating, and clowning folks until they start crying. I also need to be at Stanford University Medical Center right now for the 40th annual transplant reunion (to so the neighsayers that were against cancer transplant that performing the transplant was the right call).

Today is the last soccer practice and I am not sorry to see the season end, it has been a long season; Raegan is getting better now we have to get ready for basketball and spring soccer and possibly track and field in the early Summer.

I bought the tickets for boo at the zoo, I should be stronger and have more stamina this year, I plan to walk R³ into the ground (my feet don't hurt so bad anymore)

Ovarian Cancer Awareness Stamp--PLEASE SIGN IN MEMORY OF Carolyn Benivegna

Together we can make an OvCa stamp a reality. We have been requesting an ovarian cancer awareness postage stamp annually since 2001 and need your help. If you would like to support our goals, please sign our online petition. We will submit a request to the U.S. Postal Service along with the signatures that share in our quest to make this a reality.

In memory of Carolyn Benivegna, survivors, family and friends of those touched by ovarian cancer, please click on the link and help us send our message through the U. S. Postal Service. http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/ovca2008/

Thank you.
Ovacome
www.ovacome.us
ovcasurvivor@verizon.net

530 bottles of beer on the wall

That's right. 530 bottles. For now. There are at least 100 more coming in the next 3 weeks. Some people say that makes us the store with the largest selection of beer in the Bay Area. I would tend to agree with them.
Mix-A-Six is a whole new beast now, with nearly 100 domestic 12 oz. micros to choose from (in addition to 430 other bottles. We have 530 in stock, by the way). Mix any six beers and save 10%.
-----------------------------------------------------
FYI: HEALTHY SPIRITS WILL BE OPEN UNTIL 2 AM THIS HALLOWEEN.

-cheers!

dave

Cycle 18

A handful of pumpkins helps the medicine go down ...

The people all call her Alaska

Today has been the first day of relative normalcy in almost 2 weeks- finally my symptoms are not too painful and the grey haze of fatigue has lifted. I have three days to enjoy this.

I have been writing a lot lately, not here, but in my notebooks, gathering phrases and ideas. The idle hands have a lot to do with it- I am pretty much stuck in this house without a car. I still feel like the odd one out in suburbia. It makes me stir-crazy. People stare at my tattoos and strange dress. I miss the homeless yelling at me, I miss the hot tranny messes spilled all over the sidewalk. I miss the beautiful houses and trees and weather. I miss the gays. I miss designing things. God damnit, I miss San Francisco.

I have a wonderful friend who recently bought me a remote to my Nikon, so here are a couple of self portraits today. The odd one out and soooo not kosher:






Now off to drink something I have invented that is the greatest thing since ever:
Soy hot cocoa with liquid morphine and whipped cream on top.
Try it sometime, you will not be sorry.

CIRM/CSCC Joint Announcement: Disease Teams Awards

The Cancer Stem Cell Consortium and the California Institute for Regenerative Medicine Announce Plans to Collaborate on Disease Team Awards, News & Media, Cancer Stem Cell Consortium.

At the BIO 2008 Conference in June, the Canadian Minister of Health, the Honourable Tony Clement, and the Governor of the State of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced a partnership between Canada's Cancer Stem Cell Consortium (CSCC) and the California Institute for Regenerative Medicine (CIRM) for international collaboration to advance cancer stem cell research.

It is proposed that one of the first initiatives to be launched by the CSCC will be a collaboration between Canadian and Californian scientists through CIRM's upcoming Disease Team Research Awards Competition, which will support multi-disciplinary teams of scientists in pursuit of therapies for specific diseases. The goal is to fund the work of Disease Teams that would result in a cell based therapy or a therapy derived from stem cell assays for a particular disease or serious injury. It is anticipated that the RFA for the Disease Team Research Awards will be issued by CIRM in February 2009 with funding announced before the end of the year. Successful proposals will include a description of milestones on a path to an Investigational New Drug filing at the end of the four-to-five year grant.

CIRM and the CSCC have been working to finalize the details of the collaboration, with approval to be requested later this year from their respective governing bodies. In advance of the formal approval and announcement, the organizations wish to alert the Canadian and Californian scientific communities of this potential opportunity and to encourage teams of Canadian and Californian scientists to initiate activities towards the development of Disease Teams focusing on cancer stem cells. Successful projects, co-led by Canadian and California scientists, will be co-funded by the CSCC and CIRM, with Canadian scientists funded by the CSCC and Californian scientists funded by CIRM. Support for Canadian scientists will primarily be for operating funds and will not include support for major infrastructure or facilities.

Canadian scientists proposing to collaborate with Californian colleagues in a joint Disease Team application must register with the CSCC as soon as possible and no later than November 17, 2008. Applications for funding will be reviewed by CIRM's Grants Working Group as part of the Disease Team Research Awards Competition.

To register to submit an application please contact:
Cindy L. Bell, Ph.D.
Interim Executive Director
Cancer Stem Cell Consortium
http://www.cancerstemcellconsortium.ca
Phone: 613-751-4460 ext 118
cbell@genomecanada.ca

Making an anti-leukemia drug better

Making an Anti-leukemia Drug Better, Ivanhoe's Medical Breakthroughs, October 21, 2008. The first sentence:

A recent discovery suggests the best way to treat leukemia may be to rely on a combination of targeted drugs rather than a single miracle drug.

The drug is imatinib.

The news item is based on: AHI-1 interacts with BCR-ABL and modulates BCR-ABL transforming activity and imatinib response of CML stem/progenitor cells by Liang L Zhou and 9 co-authors, including Xiaoyan Jiang, J Exp Med 2008(Oct 20): jem.20072316. [Epub ahead of print]. PubMed Abstract:

Chronic myeloid leukemia (CML) represents the first human malignancy successfully treated with a tyrosine kinase inhibitor (TKI; imatinib). However, early relapses and the emergence of imatinib-resistant disease are problematic. Evidence suggests that imatinib and other inhibitors may not effectively eradicate leukemic stem/progenitor cells, and that combination therapy directed to complimentary targets may improve treatment. Abelson helper integration site 1 (Ahi-1)/AHI-1 is a novel oncogene that is highly deregulated in CML stem/progenitor cells where levels of BCR-ABL transcripts are also elevated. Here, we demonstrate that overexpression of Ahi-1/AHI-1 in murine and human hematopoietic cells confer growth advantages in vitro and induce leukemia in vivo, enhancing effects of BCR-ABL. Conversely, RNAi-mediated suppression of AHI-1 in BCR-ABL-transduced lin(-)CD34(+) human cord blood cells and primary CML stem/progenitor cells reduces their growth autonomy in vitro. Interestingly, coexpression of Ahi-1 in BCR-ABL-inducible cells reverses growth deficiencies exhibited by BCR-ABL down-regulation and is associated with sustained phosphorylation of BCR-ABL and enhanced activation of JAK2-STAT5. Moreover, we identified an AHI-1-BCR-ABL-JAK2 interaction complex and found that modulation of AHI-1 expression regulates phosphorylation of BCR-ABL and JAK2-STAT5 in CML cells. Importantly, this complex mediates TKI response/resistance of CML stem/progenitor cells. These studies implicate AHI-1 as a potential therapeutic target downstream of BCR-ABL in CML.

See also: Giving imatinib a hand, Amy Maxmen, J Exp Med 2008(Oct 20): jem.20511iti5

Gave Blood

Well they took my blood today, I let them use my left hand pretty soon I might start letting the phlebotomist (they need a nickname lets call them blood sucking leeches No that is what I call bean counters tax folks lets call the Medical Vampires (Vamps for short) ; I had orders from the transplant docs. and the endocrinologist. I also am rescheduling my CT that is scheduled for 10/31 to Harris SW rather than UT Southwestern (flash back to 10/31/06 my emergency CT scans) I am worried about switching facilities for my CT because each machine scans differently.

I am not technically challenged so I am making arrangements to go pick up another degree, back to SMU I will either pick up a Master in Software Engineering or a Masters in Security Engineering (I really want to do the Security Engineering it will take me back to my roots when I took off my football helmet and hung out with the rest of the CS majors in Data Structures class hacking away in the good ol' days of ftp Internet surfing..... I technically remanence).

book review: "belly of the whale"

I try to only review things on my blog that I would recommend to others. When I don't enjoy a book that I have been asked to review, I usually keep the review over at Library Thing or don't review it at all.

I don't go out of my way to trash someone else's hard work.

Most of the time, if I write about it, I like it.

However, Belly of the Whale by Linda Merlino is an exception.

This novel, a thriller, is about Hudson Catalina, a 38 year old mother to three kids with breast cancer, is badly written, heavy handed and manipulative from beginning to end.

Hudson Catalina has given up. Having lost both breasts to cancer, she is emotionally and physically exhausted, no longer willing to endure the nausea and crushing weakness that chemotherapy causes. Until the wrecked-by-life young Buddy Baker arrives, bent on murder. Linda Merlino’s harrowing, touching story of despair, abuse, murder and survival takes you on a journey through the darkest places of the human mind and spirit, and in the end leads you back out of “the belly of the whale” enriched by the experience.

The cover art is garish and features a bald woman, cringing, as a tear rolls down her cheek. ( Also she has stubble. Honestly, if they couldn't find a woman who had really lost her hair to cancer, instead of a model with her head shaved, then they really shouldn't have bothered). I know that you aren't supposed to judge a book by its cover but in this case, the cover told me almost everything about the book that I needed to know.



As a novel, this book is not just bad but jaw-droppingly bad. I had a list of examples of terrible writing and factual inaccuracies (I have post-its with exclamation marks on every other page) but I will spare you the lengthy list. The narrative is overwrought and repetitive. The dialogue is terrible and the characters speak in stereotypes.

Several of the women who write for Mothers With Cancer were asked to read and review this book as part breast cancer awareness month. I don't think very many of us liked it. And I don't think this book does anything to raise awareness about the real experience of breast cancer.

I agreed to review it because I was told that the author is a breast cancer survivor (although it doesn't say this anywhere on her web site, in the book or on its jacket) and because I do like to do book reviews. And there have been many, many books with breast cancer as a central theme that I have liked (The Middle Place is a good example).

I was worried that I was being to hard on the book because I live with breast cancer and I could not identify with this character (despite the similarity in our ages).

But bad writing is bad writing.

And exploitation is exploitation.

Do not read this book if you, or someone you love, is going through treatment.

Do not read this book if you like good writing.

And I for one, plan to think twice before I crack the spine of another book from Kunati Press.

Stop the Presses!!

Today the Tribune informed us (this being Holy Holy Pink Breast Cancer Month) that black women in Chicago die more often of breast cancer than white women do. And that the reason is--get this!--that black women are more likely to live in poverty and therefore to have less access to good health care.

This is news?

To whom might this be a surprise? Perhaps people who thought there might be parity in health care in the US, for some reason. Or people who thought Chicago was like New York City, which has clinics scattered more evenly around the city. The Trib tells us: "The racial gap in Chicago was twice that of the United States and sevenfold that of New York City." This would not be a surprise to anyone who read Shane Tritsch's fine piece a year ago in Chicago magazine on the "Deadly Difference."

I think the best way to improve health care in the US as well as education is: make everyone rich. Then everything else will follow. We could start be spreading the wealth of this bailout. And throw in the money that the Iraq war is costing every day, in people and materiel and after-effects.