Detour

Yesterday morning, I began my trek home to Mifflintown, Pennsylvania. I have been so excited for this trip because it's been a year and half since the last time I was there, and also this is the first time in seven years that I've gone there by myself (without the little darlings and their father). Let me tell you what--THANK GOD they did not come along. I should have known--traveling at this time of year sucks ass, especially when you have to make a stop in freakin' Chicago.

I think I heard about ten times yesterday at O'Hare that Chicago is either the busiest airport in the world, the largest airport in the world, or both. In any case, add inclement weather to these claims, and you get to spend some time in hell.

I didn't see any horrendous weather myself, but there were apparently high winds which caused most of the flights to be grossly delayed or canceled. So, after a very lovely and pleasant flight from Vancouver to Chicago, I arrived to find that all was still well with my flight to Harrisburg. Then suddenly, the flight was delayed an hour and a half. Soon enough, the flight was delayed another hour and a half AND they changed terminals. I don't know if you've ever been to O'Hare, but when they do some shit like change terminals, it means you gotta run about 5 miles to the other terminal. So then I'm waiting around some more, went to the washroom, came out, checked the monitor--and the flight disappeared! I went to another terminal where there was still one flight to Harrisburg posted, and sure enough was told that my flight had died after all.

So then I was put on standby for the last remaining flight to Harrisburg and was told that if I didn't make it on this flight, the earliest I could catch a plane to Harrisburg would be 6pm the next day. And I'd have to pay for my own hotel room, thank you very much.

Things weren't looking good. The flight I was on standby on kept getting delayed more and more, just like my original flight. So then I thought, fuck this, I'm going to Pittsburgh.

My BFF Lisa was planning on driving to Mifflintown the next day to see me anyway, so I figured, shit, might as well go with her! So luckily, there was room for me on the next flight to Pittsburgh which was leaving....oh shit--boarding now--in yet another terminal. So I RAN my ass off and made it just in time! Phew! My bag, however, would have to wait for the flight to Harrisburg.

Luckily, I packed all the meds I could with me on my carry on (except my magic mouthwash for my mouth sores, which I checked in with an ice pack because the container was too big), so I wasn't really missing anything for the night.

And I was soooooo happy to see Lisa and finally meet her good friend Larry, who is a sweetheart, really nice guy! So things worked out in the end. We went to Eat 'n Park, and I had the best breakfast meal of my life: two poached eggs over corned beef hash and potato pancakes! Yum!

Now, Lisa's at work, and I'm just chillin' in her pad. We stayed up last night watching some cheezy, hilarious home movie we made over 10 years ago.

You know what I would hate? If someone was hanging out at my house and taking pictures and going through my things. But Lisa and I are long-time friends, so I hope she can forgive me for what I'm about to show you of my morning so far at her pad...



"Hello? Can someone get me out of here?"



"AAHHHHHH!!! Someone cut the cord and must be on his way to kill me!"



Thank god I have Jesus to save me.



Maybe if I hide behind this curtain, he won't be able to find me and get me.



Or I could practice self-defense with this fake fist.



No way! A ladybug sock monkey! Sweet--I'm sure this will help me against the raging lunatic who cut the phone cord.



Forget the raging lunatic...He doesn't stand a chance against me and Lola.



I love Lola. Like, a lot.



Hee hee, I'm hanging out with different circles.



There's a ginormous lighted snowflake falling on my head.



When in doubt, raid Lisa's closest, wear one of her coats, climb on her bed, and take a sultry picture.

THE END