My parents are laughing at me now

When I was very young, movies were rated G, PG, and R. Anything that wasn't rated R was OK for kids to watch. Then, when I was about 11 or 12 years old, the Evil Movie People introduced the PG-13 rating, and my parents decreed that I couldn't see these movies until I was actually 13.

Of course, this was The Most Unfair Thing Ever, and it resulted in a lot of drama and crying and carrying on. All of the good movies -- all of the remotely cool movies -- were rated PG-13. I believe I've already posted about the Infamous Dirty Dancing Incident.

Yesterday, WCK spotted a newspaper ad for the movie Bolt. I'm not sure what Bolt is about, but the ad showed a cute doggie, a kitty, and a hamster. She said she wanted to see it in the theater.

I'm nervous to take WCK to the theater. We've been twice; both times I selected the most benign G-rated movie I could find. At home, we do a lot of fast-forwarding through "scary parts" or spend a lot of time saying things like, "It's OK. Lightning McQueen is going to be OK, I promise." The first movie we saw in the theater was Curious George. Harmless, right? After 30 minutes, she fled the theater in terror. A year later, I took her to Clifford's Big Movie. She actually made it all the way through the movie and seemed to enjoy it at the time, although now she will repeatedly tell me that the Clifford movie was "scary." What? The only thing scary about Clifford is the idea that such a bland movie could get made in the first place.

Anyway. Our newspaper has a column about movies for kids. I checked this column to learn that Bolt is rated PG for some "scary" parts, such as chase scenes and explosions. I want to avoid these things, not necessarily because I think they'll warp her mind but because I don't want to fork over a pile of cash for movie tickets only to have to flee to the lobby after 10 minutes.

I explained that Bolt is rated PG, and only big kids get to see PG movies.

She immediately collapsed and began sobbing, as though channeling the 11-year-old me.

"But I wanna see PG!!" she wailed dramatically. "I WANNA SEE PG!!"

And so it begins.