Researchers find how ovarian tumor affects immune system

BOTM: DECEMBER

In case anyone missed my calls, just a reminder:
-Beer of the Month for December is ready for pick-up.

-I am going to try to organize a mailing list of BOTM subscribers, to avoid these monthly phone calls. It might take a little while, but I will keep you posted. I would also encourage all BOTM subscribers to sign up for the blog. I always post release dates here.

-Because many people will be out of state/on vacation during late December and early January, we will be releasing January's Beer of the Month in mid-December.

-Feel free to contact the store with any questions.

cheers,

dave

Sometimes you are forced to take a step back in order to move forward.


For once in my life I am surrounding myself with people who want to be with me, instead of chasing ghosts. A realization of mortality will do this to you. You find yourself grasping the present with frantic enthusiasm.

I have no more illusions.

Besides, who needs illusions with sunsets like these?

30 posts in 30 days

Well, I made it.

I posted a lot of "filler" this month. I also found that many of the more substantive posts that I have wanted to write (book reviews and news of the conference I attended) remain in draft form. The need to keep cranking out the posts made me less willing to go back to half-written ones and edit them, lest they take up too much time. I will enjoy giving myself the space to write more thoughtfully and to give myself the time to set things aside.

On the other hand, NaBloPoMo made me dig a little deeper, take in the world in a different way (I was constantly wondering, "could I blog about this?") and post some things it never might have otherwise occurred to me to share. The post that probably got the most reaction was the one about toilet sprouts.

The very first year, I did NaBloPoMo, I was diagnosed with mets and never missed a day. In contrast, I faced many fewer challenges this year. On the other hand, November 2006 was filled with stories that were more compelling than the SpeedFit. At least I think so.

Generation of "CSC"

Human Adult Stem Cells as the Target Cells for the Initiation of Carcinogenesis and for the Generation of "Cancer Stem Cells" by James E Trosko, International Journal of Stem Cells 2008(Nov); 1(1): 8-26 [PDF]. Abstract:

The inference to stem cells has been found in ancient myths and the concept of stem cells has existed in the fields of plant biology, developmental biology and embryology for decades. In the field of cancer research, the stem cell theory was one of the earliest hypotheses on the origin of a cancer from a single cell. However, an opposing hypothesis had it that an adult differentiated somatic cell could "de-differentiate" to become a cancer cell. Only within the last decade, via the "cloning" of Dolly, the sheep, did the field of stem cell biology really trigger an exciting revolution in biological research. The isolation of human embryonic stem cells has created a true revolution in the life sciences that has led to the hope that these human stem cells could lead to (a) basic science understanding of gene regulation during differentiation and development; (b) stem cell therapy; (c) gene therapy via stem cells; (d) the use of stem cells for drug discovery; (e) screening for toxic effects of chemicals; and (f) understand the aging and diseases of aging processes.

Comment: A wide-ranging review, in a new journal [ijstemcell.com], by one of the pioneers in studies of radiation-induced damage to the DNA of mammalian cells [example of a 1965 publication]. Some more information about this new journal is available here.

Clonal origins of relapsed ALL

Genomic analysis of the clonal origins of relapsed acute lymphoblastic leukemia by Charles G Mullighan and 6 co-authors, including James R Downing, Science 2008(Nov 28); 322(5906): 1377-80. PubMed Abstract:

Most children with acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) can be cured, but the prognosis is dismal for the minority of patients who relapse after treatment. To explore the genetic basis of relapse, we performed genome-wide DNA copy number analyses on matched diagnosis and relapse samples from 61 pediatric patients with ALL. The diagnosis and relapse samples typically showed different patterns of genomic copy number abnormalities (CNAs), with the CNAs acquired at relapse preferentially affecting genes implicated in cell cycle regulation and B cell development. Most relapse samples lacked some of the CNAs present at diagnosis, which suggests that the cells responsible for relapse are ancestral to the primary leukemia cells. Backtracking studies revealed that cells corresponding to the relapse clone were often present as minor subpopulations at diagnosis. These data suggest that genomic abnormalities contributing to ALL relapse are selected for during treatment, and they point to new targets for therapeutic intervention.

I once had a cat . . .

Or should I say, she once had me.

Norwegian Wood, one of my favorite Beatle's songs, has taken on a new meaning since I discovered that my recently adopted cat Puss is a Norwegian Forest breed.

A surprising number of cat lovers (and haters) had been asking, "What breed of cat is Puss?" "Um, she's grey?" I'd reply. Then I'd add, "And she has eyes the color of freshly squeezed lime juice."

No, I didn't have a clue as to her breed. And this seemed to bother people. By the reaction I got, you'd have thought I had forgotten my child's name.

So I went to Google image, entered a few key words and discovered that Puss is a Norwegian Forest cat. Her ancestors probably chased the mice away from the grain supplies on the Viking ships.

Several of the cats in the online photos I found were dead ringers for Puss. I wish I could post them, but they're stock photography, available for sale for at least $50. Either Puss has been doing a little modeling on the side (to support her catnip habit) or she has a feline doppelganger. (Click here to see the image.)

Puss the Norwegian Forest Cat gives the "evil eye" with her characteristic lime green eyes.

I just have to be very careful when I tell people that images of my Puss are on the web.

To avoid misunderstanding (and teasing by the other cats), I'm thinking of changing her name to Nanna, the goddess of the moon in Norse mythology. Then again, that opens her up to taunts of "Na-na, na-na Nanna." Maybe we'll just stick with Puss.

Three years, one day

I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma on November 28, 2005. Goodness knows how long it was secretly lurking around in there. Years, probably. I also had to undergo weeks of testing to find out what it was, but Nov. 28, 2005 was the first day a doctor handed me a print-out of my biopsy results and told me that myeloma was definitely what I had.

I went home and spent weeks and weeks Googling myeloma, only to read the same horrifying statistic over and over again: If you can believe the Internet, most people only live three years after diagnosis.

Well, look at me now: It's been three years and one day.

I have beaten the odds.

NOW HIRING

Healthy Spirits is looking for a part time employee (2 to 5 days a week). This may become a full time position in the future. Applicants must have a strong knowledge of beer, and the ability to describe products clearly and accurately. Since most shifts will be in the morning, some barista experience is preferred. Duties will include helpingg customers with beer questions, making informed reccomendations, stocking fridges, organizing back stock, and making sandwiches,coffee, and espresso drinks.
To apply, please send a resume to healthyspirits@aol.com. If you have a Beer Advocate account, please also send us a link to your reviews.

meet the 'speedfit'

The brilliance of humanity never fails to astound me.



Why just go for a run when you can take your treadmill on the road?

This is a real company and they are completely serious. S. thinks we should ask Santa to bring me one.

Black Friday

I didn't make it; I got sick last night more vomiting and coughing. I seem to be doing better since I call the UT Southwestern (spa) and got them to call in a really strong antibiotic for me to take.

I broke down and got up VERY EARLY this morning and experienced this whole Black Friday phenomenon (Black Friday Craze) for the first time. I was not impressed I didn’t see any of the fighting, or cursing that is annually displayed in the news. I also got good parking; it is good to have handicapped parking.

Ojai Adventure

I've talked before about living my life in six-month increments between testing. The first six months, I lived my life with a near manic sense of urgency, but now I'm taking a more laid-back approach to life, including long lunches on garden patios.

Read about my Ojai adventure at Open Mouth, Insert Fork.

It's not about the bird.

That's what I learned last year when I ate my Thanksgiving dinner at Hotel Hope.

Frozen veggies, instant potatoes, pasty gravy and (OOOH) my shedding hair.
(Click on photo to enlarge.)

One year ago today: No appetite, inedible food, dangerously low white blood counts, red blood and platelet transfusions - a very memorable (and thanks-filled) Thanksgiving.

Today: Huge appetite, fabulous food, almost normal blood counts - much to be thankful for.

what's in a name

I have lots on my plate today (and I don't mean Thanksgiving leftovers, living in Canada and all) so I thought it would be a good day for a meme. I stole this one from Average Jane.

1. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names):
Marie Leslie.

2. NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad):
Alexandre Christopher.

3. STAR WARS NAME: (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name):
Kilaur (I kind of like it!)

4. DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal):
Blue Dog (or should that read Blue Dawg?).

5. SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you live):
Anne Ottawa (that's just plain odd).

6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add “THE” to the beginning):
The Red Black Velvet (or alternatively Red Wine but I don't like that nearly as much).

7. FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name):
Laon.

8. GANGSTA NAME: (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie):
After Eight Chocolate Chip (now that's just silly).

9. ROCK STAR NAME: (current pet’s name, current street name):
Lucy Fourth.

10. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on):
Kelly Smerdon.

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving

I am thankful for my health, family, friends and organ donors everywhere (it is your selfless gift(s) that allow those of us with conditions once considered to be terminal a second chance at life. I am also grateful for the peaceful passing of my father, the patriarch of our family I do miss him terribly; but having faced death on a daily basis and living with the scars that remind me daily that each breath I take may very well be my last, I am grateful I am thankful that he passed away in his own home peacefully and does not have to suffer anymore.

Today will be an uneventful day, I will eat, watch football, nap, eat, watch football, nap and oh yea work on a few projects (at my pace) around the house. The family will be eating and visiting my wife’s family members in town so I will have the house to myself.

Frontiers in Cancer Prevention Research

I recently returned from an American Association of Cancer Research conference held in Washington DC, Frontiers in Cancer Prevention Research. I was very grateful for the invitation. I attended the conference as part of the AACR's Scientist-Survivor Program. The program is a wonderful one, I am very privileged to be a part of it. I am able to learn what is new in cancer research directly from the scientists who have dedicated their lives to curing cancer. Attending these conferences and being exposed to new advances in cancer research gives me such hope that the answers will one day be found.

So many presentations are offered at each AACR meeting that I am usually attending programs and presentations at the convention center from morning until night. I knew that before going, so arrived in DC a day early to site-see. Also, very cool coincidence, a signet ring appendix cancer survivor I met via my web site and have communicated with for about a year lives in DC, so I was able to meet her for breakfast downtown the day before the conference. We had a great time and talked for a few hours. I was kind of proud of myself, I used a bus to get to the Metro station and from there navigated two subway lines to get to the location where we met. The DC subway system is wonderful and very similar to the Chicago subway system I've used.

DC is not a place I'd ever planned to visit. I've never been interested in history or politics so DC was never on my list of "places to see", but it turned out I loved the city. After meeting with my friend, I took a 4 hour bus tour of the famous sites. I was able on the tour to see the Capitol Building, the White House, the Washington Memorial, the Jefferson Memorial, the Lincoln Memorial, the Vietnam and WWII Memorials. I didn't have time after the tour to go to see any other sites, but I hope now to go back again as a tourist someday to see what I couldn't see this trip. I'm thinking it might be a nice family vacation next summer! I want to see the botanical gardens, the Smithsonian museums, Arlington Cemetery and the Art Museum.

I took lots of notes and listened to many scientific presentations. I will share what I learned here soon.

being kids together

I want to thank everyone who took the time to leave advice or thoughts on my post about tantrums.

As a direct result of your comments, I kept five year old D. home this morning, just to hang out and have fun together.

We played Dog-Opoly (like Monopoly, except that instead of buying property, you buy dogs. It's a laugh a minute) for almost two hours. We danced to the soundtrack from the SpongeBob Squarepants Movie (D. insisted that we take turns dancing while the other watched. He's a real little showboat). We went out to lunch at Subway.

As we were eating our sandwiches, I said, "I'm feeling happy."

"Me too!" he said.

He ran happily into the school when I dropped him off. Our morning went by in a heartbeat. I realized how quickly he's growing up. He can read and add up two numbers on dice (his future as a gambler looks bright. He even blows on the dice before rolling them). And, as a dancer, he really does have some great moves.

We had fun. And we cuddled. It was good.

Two advance online CSHSQB articles

1) Role of "Cancer Stem Cells" and Cell Survival in Tumor Development and Maintenance by Jerry Adams and 5 co-authors, including Andreas Strasser, Cold Spring Harb Symp Quant Biol 2008(Nov 6) [Epub ahead of print]. PubMed Abstract:

One critical issue for cancer biology is the nature of the cells that drive the inexorable growth of malignant tumors. Reports that only rare cell populations within human leukemias seeded leukemia in mice stimulated the now widely embraced hypothesis that only such "cancer stem cells" maintain all tumor growth. However, the mouse microenvironment might instead fail to support the dominant human tumor cell populations. Indeed, on syngeneic transplantation of mouse lymphomas and leukemias, we and other investigators have found that a substantial proportion (>10%) of their cells drive tumor growth. Thus, dominant clones rather than rare cancer stem cells appear to sustain many tumors. Another issue is the role of cell survival in tumorigenesis. Because tumor development can be promoted by the overexpression of prosurvival genes such as bcl-2, we are exploring the role of endogenous Bcl-2-like proteins in lymphomagenesis. The absence of endogenous Bcl-2 in mice expressing an Em, u-myc transgene reduced mature B-cell numbers and enhanced their apoptosis, but unexpectedly, lymphoma development was undiminished or even delayed. This suggests that these tumors originate in an earlier cell type, such as the pro-B or pre-B cell, and that the nascent neoplastic clones do not require Bcl-2 but may instead be protected by a Bcl-2 relative.

2) Neural and Cancer Stem Cells in Tumor Suppressor Mouse Models of Malignant Astrocytoma by S Alcantara Llaguno and 3 co-authors, including Luis F Parada, Cold Spring Harb Symp Quant Biol 2008(Nov 6) [Epub ahead of print]. PubMed Abstract:

Malignant astrocytomas are highly invasive brain tumors that portend poor prognosis and dismal survival. Mouse models that genetically resemble the human malignancy provide insight into the nature and pathogenesis of these cancers. We previously reported tumor suppressor mouse models based on conditional inactivation of human astrocytoma-relevant genes p53, Nf1, and Pten. These mice develop, with full penetrance, varying grades of astrocytic malignancy that recapitulate the human condition histologically and molecularly. Our studies indicate a central role for neural stem cells and stem-cell-like cancer cells in tumor initiation and progression. These mouse models thus represent powerful tools for investigating various aspects of tumor development that otherwise cannot be explored in humans. Further studies will provide a better understanding of the biology of these tumors and will hopefully pave the way for more effective therapeutic approaches for these devastating diseases.

2008 Speaker Interviews are freely accessible, but the articles are not.

SHHHH - We're not really here

Vibrant colors, a variety of textures and rich, briny flavors make salad Nicoise one of my favorites.

I've written more than once about how my cancer diagnosis and treatment have made me into a bit more of a risk taker. One of the fun ways that I can engage in a little harmless risk taking is with my trespassers picnics, where crossing the line is part of the fun.

Read all about my latest excursion and the beautiful salad Nicoise that I served at Open Mouth, Insert Fork.

the opposite problem

I know several women who discovered they had breast cancer much later than they ought to have, because they were refused access to screening, their doctors dismissed their concerns or their breasts were so dense that tumours were not easily detectable by ultrasound or mammogram.

And then, today I read in the Globe and Mail that a new study coming out of Norway, revealed that some cancers will disappear on their own and that more sophisticated testing, such as the MRI, can lead to "overdiagnosis":

The study, published yesterday in the journal Archives of Internal Medicine, suggested breast-cancer screening may be leading to overdiagnosis, with about 22 per cent of cases likely to resolve themselves without treatment.

Once a breast cancer is found, however, it would currently be considered unethical not to treat it. So - if the theory is correct - large numbers of women may be having surgery, radiation, chemotherapy and other treatments that would never have been needed if their cancers had not been detected.

[]Radiation can damage the heart and coronary arteries. A previous randomized controlled trial showed that about one in 10 women who receive radiation for breast cancer will die from heart damage attributable to the treatment, he said.

In a telephone interview from Oslo, Dr. Zahl said that if he and his co-authors are correct, two women die from complications of breast-cancer treatment for every woman saved by screening.

"And that's a very bad tradeoff."

The study's authors argue that, since it is considered unethical to treat cancer once it has been detected, more aggressive detection can lead to unnecessary treatment that may cause more harm than good.

I was feeling a little uneasy when I read this article and trying to articulate why, when I read a response from Dr. Amy Tuteur (thanks to Jenny for the link). Her last paragraph was the clincher for me:

Finally, and most importantly, there is no way to tell the difference on mammography, or by any other technique, between the cancers that will disappear and the ones that will go on and kill the woman. Without a practical way to separate those who need to be treated from those who do not, the finding is intriguing and worthy of further investigation, but cannot guide us in determining the best way to screen for breast cancer and the best way to treat it.

It's hard, when reading this stuff, not to consider my own situation. My breast cancer was diagnosed after I found the big, hard lump in my right breast. The kind of cancer I have is aggressive, and by the time we found it, fairly advanced. If I had had an MRI and my tumour had been discovered before the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes, the chance of metastasis could have been much lower.

How would doctors know which cancers to ignore and which to treat?

Until we have the answers to those questions, this study seems to me to be meaningless.

And I hope it doesn't used as a reason to deny tests to women who are high risk or who suspect they might have breast cancer.

Cross-posted to Mothers With Cancer.

Pre-Thanksgiving

It is the Day before Thanksgiving, and I am sad that I won’t be eating any fried turkey on tomorrow; I am sticking to my guns; I won’t be frying a turkey this year. I am still feeling like a little virus or something might be rearing its ugly head. I will ride it out and call the UT Southwestern transplant doctor on call if my symptoms get any worse.

get this...

I am about to go see not one, but TWO different friends today

-all alone
-whilst driving my mom's car.

This is a cancer patient's equivalent of an all night binge-drinking extravaganza ending in you convincing your best friend to flirt with some dude to get the W hotel pool key and swimming at 3 am. Basically, EPIC.


...even if it is just coffee. come visit me!

Thankful

I decided to start a new Thanksgiving tradition this year. Several weeks ago, WCK helped me draw a tree on a big piece of poster board. I wrote "We are thankful for ..." in the middle of the tree trunk. Then I cut a bunch of leaves from construction paper. Every day, Jay, WCK, and I each write what we are thankful for on a leaf and stick it to the tree. We've forgotten a few days here and there, but we've mostly been pretty faithful to it. When both sets of grandparents visited this month, they got to add some Special Guest Leaves.

When we first started, WCK wanted to include random items, such as "flashlights" or "windows" (Although, really, aren't you thankful for windows? Think how dark your life would be without them). By the end, though, she was telling us she was thankful for her family and her friends. Aw.

Today, WCK brought home a fabulous paper-bag turkey she'd made at preschool. The turkey had two feathers sticking out of its back. On one of them, the teacher had written, "I am thankful for my family." The other feather said, "the animals." Now, I'm not sure if WCK is thankful for her family AND "the animals", or if "the animals" is just a way of describing her family, a continuation of the thought from the first feather. You know: "I'm thankful for my family -- the animals!!"

Anyway, here is our complete list from our Thanksgiving tree so far. You'll have to guess who said what:

We are thankful for ...

WCK (mentioned by both Mommy and Daddy)
Mommy
Daddy
food
Barnes and Noble
Daddy's cereal
school friends
grandparents
children and grandchildren (this was mentioned several times on the Special Guest Leaves)
turkey dinner (also, "Thanksgiving dinner". This was a popular answer)
our home
good doctors
Garland
our church
leaves
grocery stores
our family (mentioned a few times)
The New Kids on the Block
WCK's school
Daddy's coffee
our car
stickers
Aunt Jenny
Uncle T.J.
Cousin L.
Aunt Kim
Uncle Pat
The upcoming new baby cousin
Aunt Patty
flashlights
movie night and pizza
medicine
football
ceiling fans
cupcakes
chocolate raisins
toys and the toy store
books
President Obama
our beds
the playground
windows

canada reads

The CBC just announced the five books and panelists for this year's Canada Reads competition:

"Canada Reads announced the contenders Tuesday for its annual contest to choose a single book all Canadians would enjoy reading.

The field has five Canadian books, including two debut novels and works by Quebec's Michael Tremblay and New Brunswick's David Adams Richards.

CBC Radio One, host of the Canada Reads series, also announced members of the panel who will defend the five books in an effort to get theirs chosen.

They are:

• TV personality Avi Lewis defending The Book of Negroes by Lawrence Hill.
• Singer Sarah Slean defending Mercy Among the Children by David Adams Richards.
• Actor Nicholas Campbell defending The Outlander by Gil Adamson.
• TV host Anne-Marie Withenshaw defending The Fat Woman Next Door is Pregnant (La grosse femme d'à côté est enceinte ) by Michel Tremblay, translated by Sheila Fischman.
• Author Jen Sookfong Lee defending Fruit by Brian Francis."

I haven't really paid attention to Canada Reads since the first year. This year's list however, contains two of the best books that I have read in 2008 - The Outlander and The Book of Negroes (which I loved so much that I might actually get emotional if someone says anything bad about it. It was published in the US and elsewhere as Someone Knows My Name, something the author had mixed feelings about). This makes me intrigued enough to want to read the others (Mercy Among the Children is the only one I had heard of. It's about a part of the world I know very well and I fear it will depress the hell out of me).

The panelists will make it interesting, too. I like Avi Lewis, and Nicholas Campbell is always entertaining.

I think I need to log onto my library' s web site and place some requests.

Care to join me? Have you read any of these books? What did you think of them?

A little under the weather

I am not feeling well; I am experiencing some night sweats, no fever, but some aching joints and possible cold symptoms. I have decided that I won’t be frying a turkey this year as I don’t know what will happen with this unpredictable Texas weather. I will just eat, sleep, and watch football at home while the girls eat over the house(s) of my wife’s relatives.

Bowling Pictures

Team R²

Raegan showing here form, giving bowling tips

Keeping Ravyn from running down the lane,

No that is not a slip n slide

Rhonda and Ravyn (R 1.0 and R 3.0) watching

the ball roll slowly down the lane

It is not cheating unless you get caught, guess

what you just got caught, smile for the camera

Girl Power

Not the winner

The winner

The many faces of victory

The many faces of victory continued, Oh and I don't want to toot my own horn but, TOOT TOOT Victory Tour, HE GOT GAME !!!!

concentration

Intimidation

My book cover

On the cover is a photo of a specially-made Cancer Bitch. I'm told it's small and somehow it's a whistle--I think if you take off the head. It was my friend S's idea to have the circle-slash over the left breast. Click here to read more about this book.

CSC and chemoradiation resistance

Cancer stem cells and chemoradiation resistance by Hideshi Ishii and 6 co-authors, including Masaki Mori, Cancer Sci 2008(Oct); 99(10): 1871-77. PubMed Abstract:

Cancer is a disease of genetic and epigenetic alterations, which are emphasized as the central mechanisms of tumor progression in the multistepwise model. Discovery of rare subpopulations of cancer stem cells (CSCs) has created a new focus in cancer research. The heterogeneity of tumors can be explained with the help of CSCs supported by antiapoptotic signaling. CSCs mimic normal adult stem cells by demonstrating resistance to toxic injuries and chemoradiation therapy. Moreover, they might be responsible for tumor relapse following apparent beneficial treatments. Compared with hematopoietic malignancies, conventional therapy regimes in solid tumors have improved the overall survival marginally, illustrating the profound impact of treatment resistance. This implies that the present therapies, which follow total elimination of rapidly dividing and differentiated tumor cells, need to be modified to target CSCs that repopulate the tumor. In this review article, we report on recent findings regarding the involvement of CSCs in chemoradiation resistance and provide new insights into their therapeutic implications in cancer.

[SHERPA/RoMEO entry for Cancer Science]

death and diners

I weighed myself today- 130. Down from 145. I am officially skinny. I think I was this weight at age 14.

I got high last night (family-deal with it) in an attempt to feel better and remember what hungry felt like. Leave it to me to end up scarfing down tangerines all night and obsessively googling "hemipelvectomies" for hours on end, scaring myself shitless.

I am slowly realizing the severity of my situation. It takes time to research, for everything to settle in. Hopefully things will go exactly as planned- I'll never need surgery, the cancer will go away with radiation, and I'll be in remission/cured forever. Realistically, though, one must confront the possibility of not-so-favorable outcomes. One must confront death. I had a dream a couple of nights ago in which I did just that.

You see, I've had a conversation with death. At a Denny's, no less, which I can only assume signifies purgatory or hell or some other horrid sterile place. We sat at a booth and had a cup of coffee. I had a sense death was a man, but with no discernible body. Just fuzzy blackness. I never looked directly at him, just stared at the speckled beige tabletop.

We worked it out. We've reached an understanding. I'm not going to die anytime soon. I was conscious that it was a dream, but still terrified in the beginning, as if thinking about it would usher death in. It was like a nervous first date, I slowly becoming more comfortable as the conversation progressed. In the end, I was left with a feeling. Just a feeling, indescribable, but I will try to anyway:

the only thing that matters is to be happy by making others happy, to love by being loved, rather than being controlled by desire.

I'm not sure if I even subscribe to this (isn't desire so much fun?), but this was my overwhelming feeling upon waking up.

CSC research programs: Sheila K Singh

Sheila K Singh, McMaster Stem Cell and Cancer Research Institute. Excerpt:

Dr. Singh's research program is centred on the study of cancer stem cells. She recently identified an abnormal stem cell that may drive the formation of brain tumours. Using the cell surface protein CD133, Dr. Singh has characterized a rare subpopulation of brain tumour cells that exclusively generate a replica of the patient's tumour and exhibit self-renewal ability in vivo through serial retransplantation.

Her research program will focus on further molecular and genetic characterization of the brain tumour initiating cell (BTIC), and the molecular signalling pathways that are dysregulated in this cell to allow for brain tumorigenesis.

See also: Identification of human brain tumour initiating cells by Sheila K Singh and 8 co-authors, including Peter B Dirks, Nature 2004(Nov 18); 432(7015): 396-401 [PubMed Citation][Google Scholar].

Re articles published in Nature: please note the current NPG author licence policy. Excerpt:

When a manuscript is accepted for publication in an NPG journal, authors are encouraged to submit the author's version of the accepted paper (the unedited manuscript) to PubMedCentral or other appropriate funding body's archive, for public release six months after publication.

"are you a writer?"

The guy at the UPS Store asked me this question (I was using UPS to send some photos to my publisher because PSAC members at Canada Post are on strike).

I looked around to see to whom he was speaking.

Then it dawned on me.

"Yes, I am."

Or at least I'm working on believing it.

I've mentioned before that I have been meeting with a coach since last January. Joyce has a Masters in Education and is part therapist and part life coach. She works with lots of struggling artists and writers, many people currently working in the labour movement and several cancer survivors.

I have always made my living with words but this year I pledged to begin to think of myself as a writer. This need for this had become acute as I relinquished the sense of identity I had derived from full-time work and as the struggle to stay alive had (thankfully) moved the back burner.

With Joyce's input and guidance, I established three goals for this year:

I wanted to finish my book. I am proud to say that I accomplished this (although it never seems to be quite done and I am currently reviewing the copy-editing). I could not have done this without Joyce.

I wanted to build links to other younger people with cancer and spread the word that many of us are living long and well with metastatic breast cancer. I feel really good about my contributions to this blog, Mothers With Cancer, BlogHer and MyBreastCancerNetwork.Com. I also attended a wonderful conference, organized by Living Beyond Breast Cancer.

This networking has gone so well that I burned myself out a little. I have taken a step back of late.

My third goal was to write fiction. I started by playing around a little with my "morning pages" (which I don't always write in the morning). I read and did exercises from several great books (Writing Down the Bones, The Artist's Way, Bird by Bird and The Writer's Path).

Joyce suggested that I needed a writing group and it dawned on me that I could start one. I've done that.

Joyce suggested that I should sign up for an online writing course that would give me some progressive assignments to work on. I did some research and registered for one called "I've Always Wanted To Write Fiction." We are in week four and I am up to date on my assignments.

I am not thrilled with what I have produced so far but I am proud that I have done it. My prose still seems stilted and pedestrian but I am putting my toes in the water. Everything I have read tells me that art takes hard work. I may not be Virginia Woolf (or even Sue Grafton) but I can make art for its own sake. And mine.

And as I re-read this blog post, I realize that I have come a long way this year.

Cross-posted to Mothers With Cancer.

Charity event in Australia to support CSC research

Charity Auction: Sydney Harbour Cruise.
Bids close: Nov 26, 2008, 6:55 PM.
In support of cancer stem cell research. Source: Angie Cleone.

Busy Weekend

It was a busy weekend I will say this up-front Texas Tech got taken to the wood shed and tossed around the way you handle a little brother that has just worked your last nerve.

Moved furniture on Saturday, Hey I am getting my strength back... in just a few weeks a new gym will be opening at work.... Hello big boy weights I have missed you for it has been almost three years since we broke up.

Got in some sprints while practicing soccer with the family on Sunday, I ran awkwardly up and down the field (neuropathy).... I was tired.... I do have a long way to go to get ready for the 2012 transplant Olympics and total domination of any event I enter... I pity the fools that compete against me (Mr. T voice).

After soccer we hit the lanes to bowl, it was the first time Ravyn got to actually bowl as a participant in the game, I think she enjoyed it. I need to get my average up a few points I would like to average about 190 per game so I can DOMINATE the bowling in 2012.

I am still debating what to do about Turkey Day, should I fry the Turkey or what, last year I fryed as usual and only got to eat Turkey for one day as I was in the hospital for about a week the day after, Black Friday........... the wife and girls were very sad that I was in the hospital but the sales and bargains seemed to comfort them in my absence

Curious - Curing Cancer

One year ago, public television aired a documentary in its Curious series about finding a cure for cancer. I missed it then, but it's finally available on youtube. The show features the first human to test IT-101, a nano-particle designed to destroy cancer tumors without the harmful side effects of chemo.

If you have 30 minutes, you should watch this because:

- It's a great love story: Dr. Mark Davis, a chemical engineering professor at Cal Tech, started researching cancer treatments when his wife, Mary, was treated for breast cancer at the City of Hope more than a decade ago. "There's got to be a better way," she told him when she became violently ill from a chemo called "the red death." He rolled up the sleeves of his lab coat and, unbeknownst to anyone, started researching cancer at the City of Hope library. The research and development for IT-101 grew out of Davis's love for his wife.

- It's a great collaboration: Dr. Davis eventually shared his idea with Dr. Stephen Forman (my doctor) at the City of Hope. Forman went to Davis's office at Cal Tech and saw a rough white-board sketch of the nano-particle (which looks a lot like Sputnik). He sensed right away that the idea could work. City of Hope eventually became a partner with Davis's company and participated in the first clinical trial of IT-101.

- It's a great concept: The IT-101 nano-particle is about a zillion times bigger than the cells of a typical chemo drug. Chemo cells are so small that they seep through the blood vessels into the rest of the body, indiscriminately destroying other fast-growing cells. The nano-particles are like a big MAC truck traveling down the highway of blood - too big to slip through an "off ramp" but not too big to take a detour through the porous blood vessels that crop up around cancer tumors. They can make a direct hit on the cancer cells without harming the rest of the body.

- It's a great success story: Ray's doctors predicted he only had a few months to live after his pancreatic cancer metastasized to his lungs. With nothing to lose, he became the first human guinea pig for for the stage one clinical trial of IT-101 at the City of Hope. The documentary brings us up to six months after treatment, and Ray is still alive and fighting another year later. The trial is over and IT-101 is not yet FDA approved, but Ray is still receiving treatment through compassionate use.

The drug is now in stage two of clinical trials and Davis hopes that it will be approved by the FDA in three to seven years.

Watch it here. It makes me more proud and grateful than ever to be associated with Dr. Forman and the City of Hope.

my brain is a sieve

I was really looking forward to my book club tonight. I even tweeted about my excitement.

We read Run, by Ann Patchett. I really liked the book but I was especially looking forward to getting out and seeing my friends.

I really wanted a beer with dinner (we were having pizza) but I passed because there is always wine at book club. I even got my spouse to pick up a bottle this afternoon, so that I could contribute.

I gathered up my purse and my knitting. I hadn't organized a ride, so I got ready to call a cab. I looked up the host's email to confirm her address and because I wanted to make sure that I was planning on going to the right house. My memory is not what it once was.

I was right about the house but wrong about the date.

My book club is November 30th.

My kids felt bad for me because I took a shower and put on clean clothes for nothing.

I am sulking telling myself that, next week, I will enjoy myself twice as much for having had to wait.

Gratitude and Giving - The Last Bamboo Leaf

Triangles of sticky rice and red beans perfectly wrapped in bamboo leaves make me grateful.

I reluctantly unwrapped the last leaf from the sticky rice yesterday. I say reluctantly because they were so beautiful that I just wanted to gaze at their artistry. The bamboo leaves were pulled taut and smooth with a top knot as a finishing touch. Do you see that knot? How does someone go about pushing a bamboo thread through sticky rice? Unwrapping the little treasures was like undraping an obi from a geisha (or so I imagine).

These were a gift from a family in Arcadia. The grandmother prepared them for me to show her gratitude for the persimmons they picked from our yard. I'm grateful for the time, talent and . . . . . gratitude that went into creating them.

Every time I looked at them I was reminded of the circle of gratitude.

Not just beautiful - they tasted pretty darn good too.

This post also appearst at Open Mouth, Insert Fork.

Portrait-oholism

Jay, WCK, and I got family photos taken at Portrait Innovations last week. Portrait Innovations is a very dangerous place for me. After your photos have been taken, you sit down in front of a huge computer screen with the Photo Lady and pick out the poses you like the best. This process takes a while, so Jay usually takes WCK home while I pick the photos. I'm left all alone with the Photo Lady. This is not good.

I always end up ordering way, way more photos than anyone could possibly need. The thing is, while you're sitting there at Portrait Innovations, you think you are actually making good choices. They must pump some Unwise Photo-Selection Drug through the air vents. You absolutely believe that all of your relatives are going to want to own five eight-by-ten photos of your child. You're convinced that every single person you know is going to want to receive a photo of the whole family wearing Santa hats. You think that if you don't order enough pictures to get the free CD, you will die. And so you place your unwise order.

When you return home, your order seems a little bit excessive, but you don't necessarily feel bad about yourself.

When the photo drug wears off about a week later, you examine your photos and realize you truly have a problem.

Yesterday, I got out my giant packet of photos and laid them out on the dining room table, trying to figure out which relatives would get which photos. (Attention, relatives: I hope you like looking at photos of my child, because you will soon be able to wallpaper your homes with them.) Jay walked by and stared at my piles of photos in disbelief.

"I know!" I said. "I don't know why I ordered these!"

"It's a disease!" shrieked Jay.

Anyone know a good place to go for Portrait Innovations rehab?

crushing on jamie oliver

I love him for his potatoes.

Last night, I made this.

I am, at best, an indifferent cook. I am working on changing this, as I don't think it's fair for my spouse to do all the cooking. Also, if I want more control over what we eat, I need to contribute.

This week, I made (or helped to make) an unprecedented four meals. Macaroni and cheese (with onions and garlic). Chicken cacciatore in the slow cooker (with bottled tomatoes, onions and garlic). Updated hamburger helper (my friend L. instructed and did all the chopping. I browned the meat and stirred a lot).

So, as you can see, a recipe that requires fresh herbs and boiling the potatoes before they go into the roasting pan is a bit of a departure for me (I roasted my first chicken two years ago. At least three times since then, I have roasted the chicken upside down.)

Last night, I painstakingly followed all instructions. It wasn't that hard. And it worked. The potatoes did not look as golden in as in the photo but they were delicious.

I don't even like potatoes and I had seconds.

And more for breakfast, swooning and moaning all the while.

I kept saying, "I made this!"

I'm still a little stunned. I have never, ever been able to say about anything that I have cooked, "That was the best I ever had." It felt good.

My parents are laughing at me now

When I was very young, movies were rated G, PG, and R. Anything that wasn't rated R was OK for kids to watch. Then, when I was about 11 or 12 years old, the Evil Movie People introduced the PG-13 rating, and my parents decreed that I couldn't see these movies until I was actually 13.

Of course, this was The Most Unfair Thing Ever, and it resulted in a lot of drama and crying and carrying on. All of the good movies -- all of the remotely cool movies -- were rated PG-13. I believe I've already posted about the Infamous Dirty Dancing Incident.

Yesterday, WCK spotted a newspaper ad for the movie Bolt. I'm not sure what Bolt is about, but the ad showed a cute doggie, a kitty, and a hamster. She said she wanted to see it in the theater.

I'm nervous to take WCK to the theater. We've been twice; both times I selected the most benign G-rated movie I could find. At home, we do a lot of fast-forwarding through "scary parts" or spend a lot of time saying things like, "It's OK. Lightning McQueen is going to be OK, I promise." The first movie we saw in the theater was Curious George. Harmless, right? After 30 minutes, she fled the theater in terror. A year later, I took her to Clifford's Big Movie. She actually made it all the way through the movie and seemed to enjoy it at the time, although now she will repeatedly tell me that the Clifford movie was "scary." What? The only thing scary about Clifford is the idea that such a bland movie could get made in the first place.

Anyway. Our newspaper has a column about movies for kids. I checked this column to learn that Bolt is rated PG for some "scary" parts, such as chase scenes and explosions. I want to avoid these things, not necessarily because I think they'll warp her mind but because I don't want to fork over a pile of cash for movie tickets only to have to flee to the lobby after 10 minutes.

I explained that Bolt is rated PG, and only big kids get to see PG movies.

She immediately collapsed and began sobbing, as though channeling the 11-year-old me.

"But I wanna see PG!!" she wailed dramatically. "I WANNA SEE PG!!"

And so it begins.

the worst idea ever. or am i just too uptight?

Please help us settle an argument.

My spouse, who grows sprouts in our kitchen, thinks this is a good idea. So does S., my oldest son.

I think it's disgusting. My sprout growing friends (yes, I have sprouting friends) agree with me.

Take a good long look and let me know what you think.

It's a theoretical discussion because, as long as I live in this house, we are not growing sprouts in my toilet.



- More cool how to projects

a little more truth...

Holy crap, this video made me cry so hard.

all I can say is... exactly.

NEW BEER: GOOSE ISLAND, STONE RIS, ETC

Just Arrived:

1. Goose Island Bourbon County Imperial Stout

2. Stone Russian Imperial Stout (12oz. bottles)

3. Stone Double Bastard 3L (Jeroboams)

4. Avery Old Jubilation

5. Avery Ale to the Chief (This is the last of it, so get it while you can!)

6. Scaldis Prestige

cheers,

dave

I haven't been able to walk since last Friday. I am so relieved the pain finally went away a couple of days ago- being stuck in bed is so disheartening.

I have a lesson for you today: appreciate your body.

Your body, this amazing thing that houses your consciousness. Touch something right now with your fingertips- the keyboard, the surface of the desk, your face. Feel it. Know that I can't. I will never be able to hold your hand and feel it in mine like I did before. Walk around today, feel the sun on your face. I used to walk around everywhere. I miss it. Taste something today, really taste it. Feel how satisfying it is. I haven't even been able to chew food for the past few days. Oh, what I would give to be able to eat curry again.



I've been hesitant to describe my chemo side-effects on the blog, if only because they're THAT horrible and there are people who read this thing that I miss kissing. I suppose that's why I don't want to show anyone my baldy head either. But... fuck that. I'm here, all alone, going through this alone. We're all human, and what I'm experiencing the most intrinsic, human thing of all- suffering. Probably more extreme mental and physical anguish than most people ever experience, but relatable non the less.

Plus, I would have been grateful to know what really happens before I started. I went into chemo thinking my biggest issues would be hair loss and nausea. Hi-fucking-larious.

Here is an example of my last two weeks with the adria/vin combo. Adriamycin is a powerful antibiotic, killing all of the good bacteria in your body, while vincristine is a nerve toxin:

1.) Mon-Tues: The actual chemo days are not so bad. You sit in a chair for 8 hours hooked up to a machine and feel slightly flu-like when home. Fun times in the near future!

2.) Weds: Wake up vomiting. Extreme nausea and fatigue that lasts about a week. Trip to the ER due to vomiting, fever, and an internal infection.

3.) Thurs-Fri: Drug induced stupor in bed. The fatigue feels like you've got cabin fever within your own body, or restless leg syndrome, but all over. Your body is exhausted and nauseous but your mind is healthy and awake. This disconnect is horrible. Minutes seem like hours. Around Thursday the nerves in my feet begin to hurt. By Friday it is excruciating to walk.

4.) Sat-Tues: Still can't walk, still fatigued and in bed. The nausea finally subsides.

5.) Weds-Thurs: Finally, my feet feel normal, but now I wake up with a mouth full of sores due to thrush. The sides and back of my tongue are covered, and they go all the way down my throat. I can't chew anything. I start to slur my words. The pain is horrible. Also, be grateful your shit is normal and lasts 5 seconds and is generally uneventful. Those chemo mouth sores don't just stop at my throat... They go all the way down my digestive tract. So be grateful your shit doesn't feel like satan riding a motorcycle straight from hell and out your ass twice a day. It is seriously THE WORST pain I have ever experienced.

So.. here I am, Thursday with thrush. You get to read it for 5 minutes, but I get to live it for the next four months. Jealous much?

Collaboration toward purification and analysis of CSCs

Cyntellect to Collaborate with U of Florida on Cancer Stem Cells, PRNewswire, November 20, 2008. See also: Caitlyn Borst, Press Release, Cyntellect, Inc., November 20, 2008 [PDF]. Excerpt:

Cyntellect, a privately-held lifesciences company leading the development and commercialization of live cell analysis, manipulation and purification systems, announced today that it has entered a research collaboration agreement with the University of Florida Interdisciplinary Center for Biotechnology Research. The agreement will focuson a variety of research areas including the purification and analysis of cancer stem cells (CSCs), rare cells which are believed to be directly involved in propagating cancers.

Mutant Alien Midget Turkeys

These cookies are supposed to be turkeys. No, seriously. They are.



I tried copying them from a photo in the newspaper. I had been hanging on to this photo for a year, since I spent last November at the Mayo Clinic and didn't feel like making turkey cookies back then. Actually, I think my mom offered to make them for me, but I didn't think we should put forth effort to bring more cookies into my life, since people kept sending me snacks in the mail and the nurses kept bringing me cookies every morning and I kept stopping in the Mayo subway system to get junk food on my way to and from appointments and my mom kept cooking me enormous meals. Rough life, I know.

Anyway, my cookies do not look like the newspaper cookies. To begin with, my sugar cookies turned out much smaller than the perfect newspaper cookies, and that is why the turkeys' feet are all the way up by their beaks. Also, I realized too late that the Newspaper Turkeys had mini-M&Ms for eyes instead of the full-sized M&Ms. That's why my turkeys look like aliens. Maybe they are just very surprised.

Fortunately, the children I served them to at a party this morning didn't care what the turkeys looked like and -- heh -- gobbled them up.

Do you think anyone will Google "Mutant Alien Midget Turkeys" and find this post?

Bad News (strep throat)

It seems I can't seem for losing; Raegan was taken to the doctor today and the diagnosis strep throat. I will have to avoid her for the next few days.

Good news for lung cancer patients seeking transplant.
The hospitals that are doing or considering a BAC patient as a lung transplant patient.
Stanford
UCSF
Duke
UT Southwestern
All these hospitals of excellence with great oncology and transplant programs have started opened up with regards to transplanting cancer folk(s) if they meet the transplant criteria. It is good to have an additional option when dealing with cancer rather than the norm with lung cancer, terminal lung cancer which is take your palliative treatment and go home waiting on DEATH to come. We are making progress.

Follow the Leader

I have been poring over Jonathan Gold's 99 Essential LA Restaurants list in this week's isue of LA Weekly.

I've rounded up the Eastside recommnded restaurants and added my own humble opinions. Check it out at Open Mouth, Insert Fork.

Cycle 19

Can I ever get off Revlimid?

YES I CAN!



Paid for by Little Capsules for Obama.

c-Myc required for maintenance of glioma CSC

c-Myc is required for maintenance of glioma cancer stem cells by Jialiang Wang and 7 co-authors, including Jeremy N Rich, PLoS ONE 2008(Nov 20); 3(11): e3769. [PMCID: PMC2582454]. Abstract:

Background

Malignant gliomas rank among the most lethal cancers. Gliomas display a striking cellular heterogeneity with a hierarchy of differentiation states. Recent studies support the existence of cancer stem cells in gliomas that are functionally defined by their capacity for extensive self-renewal and formation of secondary tumors that phenocopy the original tumors. As the c-Myc oncoprotein has recognized roles in normal stem cell biology, we hypothesized that c-Myc may contribute to cancer stem cell biology as these cells share characteristics with normal stem cells.

Methodology/Principal Findings

Based on previous methods that we and others have employed, tumor cell populations were enriched or depleted for cancer stem cells using the stem cell marker CD133 (Prominin-1). We characterized c-Myc expression in matched tumor cell populations using real time PCR, immunoblotting, immunofluorescence and flow cytometry. Here we report that c-Myc is highly expressed in glioma cancer stem cells relative to non-stem glioma cells. To interrogate the significance of c-Myc expression in glioma cancer stem cells, we targeted its expression using lentivirally transduced short hairpin RNA (shRNA). Knockdown of c-Myc in glioma cancer stem cells reduced proliferation with concomitant cell cycle arrest in the G0/G1 phase and increased apoptosis. Non-stem glioma cells displayed limited dependence on c-Myc expression for survival and proliferation. Further, glioma cancer stem cells with decreased c-Myc levels failed to form neurospheres in vitro or tumors when xenotransplanted into the brains of immunocompromised mice.

Conclusions/Significance

These findings support a central role of c-Myc in regulating proliferation and survival of glioma cancer stem cells. Targeting core stem cell pathways may offer improved therapeutic approaches for advanced cancers.

The full text is openly accessible.

NEW: THE ABYSS

The Abyss is finally here again. Quantities are limited, so reserve one while you can. They are also stocked on the shelf, so if you're fast, you might be able to grab one. Like the Firestone 12, this one was really limited, so we are limiting to 1 bottle per customer.
To Beer of the Month Subscribers: I usually don't like to let people know what Beer of the Month is before they pick it up, but I thought you might like to know that one of the featured beers is THE ABYSS. So if you are a Beer of the Month subscriber, you get an Abyss without having to run around and try to reserve bottles.
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I am expecting Goose Island Bourbon County Stout tomorrow, probably in the late afternoon. It's one of my favorite barrel-aged strong ales, and I reccomend everyone give it a try while it's around. There will be a post tomorrow to confirm its arrival.
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In our continued efforts to expand, we just added another two shelves, which will soon be full of fantastic beer. I'm still looking for suggestions for breweries and beers people want to see at Healthy Spirits. Let me know!

cheers,

dave
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coping with cloudy skies

We have been struggling with temper tantrums around here lately.

When my spouse and I turned to the Internets for advice, we came up with some wildly different, even contradictory advice:

1. We need to institute a "systematic behavior management plan" that includes time-outs. The time out should not start until he is seated and quiet.

If I could get him to be seated and quiet, I wouldn't need a time out.

2. We need to investigate his diet and exposure to allergens. Also, hugs are more effective than time outs:

"Until you find one that works, however, hold your son gently when he falls apart and talk to him softly in a singsong."

When my son is having a tantrum, I can't really get my arms around him and the screaming tends to drown out my gentle crooning.

3. Call the cops and have the kid arrested.

This is what one Florida school did:

"To subdue the unruly kindergartner, school officials phoned Avon Park's police department ("committed to enhancing the 'Quality of Life' of the community"). When the cops arrived, young Desre'e attempted to resist arrest by crawling under a table. But Avon Park's finest pulled her out, cuffed her, put her in a police cruiser, drove her to the county jail, and charged this 50-pound menace with a felony and two misdemeanors."

I think I'll call the doctor, make sure he never gets too hungry, talk to his teachers (they assure me that the tantrums are not occurring at school or day care), reinforce good behaviour and keep hoping that it's just a phase...

Thoughts?

Good News

I spoke with Janet on yesterday she is still at the Stanford Spa but, she is out of ICU, mending and looking forward to getting out. I told her we needed her out b/c the bowl season would soon be upon us and we need to have some of her famous wings.

I missed a call from Bo (BJ) he sounded well, we'll talk soon and I will tell him he is in a marathon not a sprint now, take your time and pace yourself.

The President elect is causing me problems. His promise to get the family (daughters) a dog is putting me in the dog house. The girls R³ all want a dog, I may give in to keep the peace but it must hypoallergenic due to my lung restrictions. Some of the hypoallergenic dog I have seen are unique in their appearance; if we get one of these dogs I won't be able to help myself I might slip up having a color purple moment saying to the dog "You sho is ugly".

All or nothing?

It's interesting. Since my own diagnosis, my view of cancer and cancer treatment has changed. I think many of us have thought of cancer as an "all or nothing" disease for a long time. We are either cured or we aren't. We survive or we don't survive. Our cancer is either gone or it's there. The only good outcome is that our cancer is gone and we move on with our lives intact cancer-free.

We feel having cancer means we are on a path to death, and having no detectable cancer means we might have a chance of staying alive. All or nothing.

But I met a woman when I was in chemo who had been receiving chemo weekly for 4 years. She was not cured and she was not dying. She had a tumor that could not be removed surgically, but the tumor had not grown or spread or threatened her life in 4 years. She tolerated chemo well, and aside from living 4 hours of her life weekly in the oncology chemo room, her life was pretty much normal.

I've since been in contact with 2 long term appendiceal cancer patients who have never really been cancer free. They have been eight years and twenty years with appendix cancer recurrences. And in the meantime, between treatment, they have valiantly lived their lives. Productive lives. Meaningful lives. Lives that aren't just about cancer. They have survived in spite of cancer. Raised kids, pursued careers, lived lives...with appendix cancer.

I got to thinking about that. I was in chemo for about 4 hours once a week for many months after I was diagnosed. Not bad, but not how I would have chosen to use my time under other circumstances. But I'm a nurse. For years I've seen dialysis patients. Patients who live their lives hooked up to dialysis IV pumps for as long as we are hooked up to chemo pumps....but three days a week...for years. And they live long and productive lives in spite of that. Their lives are altered, but they still live. They still contemplate a future; they tolerate dialysis as they await a possible transplant and a new normal life.

I have now been exposed to many scientists involved in cancer research. They are so close to so many breakthroughs. There may come a day in our lifetime when there is a cancer cure...if we just wait and stay in treatment. Just like dialysis patients remain in treatment while they await a kidney transplant. The day when they can live without being in treatment.

That day that may come for us. The day cancer is defeated.

I want to be here to celebrate that day.