Worms, Worms, Worms

Quick: Can you name the pets in the Carrier household? If you said, "Betty, Heather and Tiger," you'd only be partially right.

I'm also the proud parent of hundreds of worms who once lived in a worm bin in our back yard. Right before I started chemo, I opted to keep the four-footed creatures, but began the search for a "foster home" for my footless friends. After all, their habitat is a combination of poop and live bacteria. (For those not in the know, the worm poop or "casings" are an excellent source of nutrients for the garden.)

I put a lot of thought into finding just the right foster home. Of course, the ideal parents would have to be worm lovers. They also needed to be conscientious, preferably have no children or pets of their own to distract them from worm-keeping, maintain their own vegetable garden and live close so that I could easily visit.

I found the perfect foster parents in Janet and Donny, who met every one of the criteria. (Alas, my own family met only one out of five.) As it turns out, they have been "spoiling" the little wrigglers by providing a steady supply of their favorite foods. Yes, worms are very picky eaters. As we both discovered, a carrot in a worm bin is like a diaper in a landfill - it can hang around until the turn of the next century. (I tried pulverizing carrots in a food processor, but the worms still woudn't touch 'em.) But melon, especially watermelon, is instantly devoured. Ditto with corn.

My nurse practitioner tells me that I'll be fit to be a parent again in three months. I may have to work out some kind of joint parenting agreement or, at the very least, visitation rights and shared poop with Janet and Donny. I hope we'll be able to hammer out an agreement without hiring a family lawyer. I don't know any that specialize in worms.

Paula has suggested that I throw a wormcoming party when the time comes. I love the idea and, in your honor, have decided to name my babies after everyone on "Team Susan." Now, haven't you always wanted a worm named after you?