The Graduate

I've written before about the Parents as Teachers program. This is a free program offered by our school district for kids from birth through age three. An early-childhood educator would come to our house four times a year to perform screenings, tell us what skills WCK should have at various ages, give us ideas for activities to do with her, and basically reassure us that WCK was TOTALLY NORMAL and, in fact, brilliant. They'd also have some group activities a few times a year. Because WCK turns three this spring, today was our last Parents as Teachers visit. WCK had to go through a long series of tests and passed nearly all of them with flying colors.

Her one "failure"? She had to answer a bunch of questions, such as "What do you do when you're tired?" ("I go lie down," said WCK. The Parents as Teachers Lady was very impressed with her correct grammar.) One of the questions was "What do you do with a chair?" (Correct answer: "Sit.") WCK thought for a while and said, "Use it to reach the computer!" While this was 100 percent factual, it was not the "correct" answer, so the teacher tried again. "Blow bubbles," said WCK. This, of course, made no sense to the PAT Lady. I explained that I'd put the bubble soap up in a high cupboard where I thought WCK would never reach it. She's recently figured out how to push the chair over to the cupboard, climb up on the chair, and reach the bubbles.

Again, this was a 100 percent true answer, but it was not "sit", so WCK failed the chair question. No points for creativity in the Parents as Teachers program.

Despite the chair failure, WCK was allowed to graduate from the program, and she got a nice certificate and a new book for her efforts. I'm very proud. I'm sure it's hard for a three-year-old to get a well-paying job without a Parents as Teachers degree. It was a little sad to say goodbye to our teacher. She was the one who reassured me that it was totally OK for Jay to let WCK watch football on TV when she was four months old. I was convinced it was going to give her brain damage.

Ticklebee update: My child is not as heartless as I thought. Yesterday, she found Ticklebee (the wounded balloon dog), and instead of shunning him, she announced, "Ticklebee is very sick!" She then ran to get her doctor kit and gave him a full workup and a plastic Band-Aid. He's still hanging in there, despite the fact that he still has no back legs.

Black jellybean update: My friend Hannah gave me another bag of black jellybeans this morning! Woo hoo! My supply will never run low.

Class reunion questionnaire update: Still have not filled it out completely, although I did circle the "N" on the plastic surgery question.