This post is not about me it is a tribute to a fallen member of our transplant support group that ran out of time as he was not able to get his much needed transplant. I am posting my farewell and my condolences on my blog as I will be unable to attend the life celebration for Charlie Stockley. Charlie and I never got to meet each other and hang but through the stories his family, friends, co-workers have shared I was able to know the man, the humanitarian, the musician, that was Charlie Stockley. I hate that Charlie ran out of time while waiting for a donor because everybody deserves a chance at life.
For more information on Charlie please visit his website www.charliestockley.com
For more information about organ donation please visit this site www.donatelife.net
Rest in Peace Charlie, breathe long, breathe free, breathe deep
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Chemo Day (comes again)
Had an interesting ride into the hospital this morning. Some guy was on the road and was already having a bad day taking out his frustration on the other drivers on El Camino Real. This guy offered me a chance to get in an early morning workout as he decided to challenge other drivers on the road, I unfortunately gave him a pass and came on into the hospital but I am not so sure the other drivers on the road did not take him up on his challenges. There is a lesson that I am trying to pass along to the early morning drivers near cancer centers wherever you are located. It is in your best interest not to challenge cancer patients on their way to chemo, don't make any sudden movements toward us, and don't look us directly in the eye in a challenging manner b/c we are already tense, on edge, and ready to "Pop the Pop off". Unknown driver please know this I am 5 pounds short of bringing Sexy back my pre-cancer weight of 240 so in three weeks when I ride in for my next chemo I might not give you a pass Mr. 8 A.M. angry driver.
Disclaimer: I don't advocate violence but, you are not of a normal mindset on treatment days; your thoughts and actions are different so you can make it through.
Another day, another hit of rat poison #7, with a vitamin B-12, and steroid chaser.
CT results were stable.
Lung Functionality is down.
That is about it time to head to the apartment and sleep.
Disclaimer: I don't advocate violence but, you are not of a normal mindset on treatment days; your thoughts and actions are different so you can make it through.
Another day, another hit of rat poison #7, with a vitamin B-12, and steroid chaser.
CT results were stable.
Lung Functionality is down.
That is about it time to head to the apartment and sleep.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
Last year and Today
Happy New Year. Out with the old and in with the new. My thoughts and some long overdue pent up feelings about 2006 along with hope I have for 2007.
2006
2006 was filled with the good, the bad, and the ugly but; through it all I can’t complain because I am still vertical, upright, breathing, and my family is healthy, happy, and provided for. The sickness that blindsided me and my family was unexpected but we are dealing with it and hope in 2007 I can get a transplant.
The sicker I become, the more I see the two worlds that I am existing colliding (the world of a terminal cancer patient and the world of the not sick who pressure you about stuff that in the grand scheme of things is not that serious). I am torn as from the time I graduated from college up to now I did everything I could to benefit my career; a career I do not fill will ever get back on track again. I however am not sad to see my career take a backseat for you have to find a balance in life and prioritize the major things in your life. The things that are important to me are being able to wake-up and see another day, my GOD, and my friends and family. I still have a lot of my engineering savvy, and training but I can’t waste my time worrying about professional administrative things that I can’t control, I fight for breath daily that is my concern. I struggle to keep my family afloat daily, I struggle satisfy the heartless creditors that demand their payment regardless of what is going on in your life. I can’t control the direction my career takes from this point on since I will be nervous in the future working around others especially working around the office super hero’s we all know that come to work sick rather than burning sick leave.
I still hold a lot of anger toward the office of my former primary care doctor’s office. I have learned that lung cancer is a hard catch for the professionals that engage in the practice of medicine. I am disappointed that I was mis-diagnosed for so many years, and that the symptoms that I was experiencing fell on deaf ears as they never really heard the words that came out of my mouth. The incident that angers me the most is that after I was diagnosed and had switched to another primary care physician I placed a call to the offices of my former primary care physician at All Saints City View and got one of Dr. B’s physicians assistant. I simply asked given all we know since I was diagnosed do you think you did everything you could medically speaking. The answer was yes (expected because they were being legally correct) I was hoping for a human answer that would have expressed the fact that medically they could have done a better job at diagnosing my condition by running more test outside of their patient profile protocol, or just saying they are human they aren't perfect and that they will learn and try to improve their medical practice from my situation.
2007
My New Years Resolutions are as follows
1. Live to see 2008
2. Find a way for my family to be together
3. Promote organ donation and break the stereo types associated with lung cancer
4. TBD
5. TBD
2006
2006 was filled with the good, the bad, and the ugly but; through it all I can’t complain because I am still vertical, upright, breathing, and my family is healthy, happy, and provided for. The sickness that blindsided me and my family was unexpected but we are dealing with it and hope in 2007 I can get a transplant.
The sicker I become, the more I see the two worlds that I am existing colliding (the world of a terminal cancer patient and the world of the not sick who pressure you about stuff that in the grand scheme of things is not that serious). I am torn as from the time I graduated from college up to now I did everything I could to benefit my career; a career I do not fill will ever get back on track again. I however am not sad to see my career take a backseat for you have to find a balance in life and prioritize the major things in your life. The things that are important to me are being able to wake-up and see another day, my GOD, and my friends and family. I still have a lot of my engineering savvy, and training but I can’t waste my time worrying about professional administrative things that I can’t control, I fight for breath daily that is my concern. I struggle to keep my family afloat daily, I struggle satisfy the heartless creditors that demand their payment regardless of what is going on in your life. I can’t control the direction my career takes from this point on since I will be nervous in the future working around others especially working around the office super hero’s we all know that come to work sick rather than burning sick leave.
I still hold a lot of anger toward the office of my former primary care doctor’s office. I have learned that lung cancer is a hard catch for the professionals that engage in the practice of medicine. I am disappointed that I was mis-diagnosed for so many years, and that the symptoms that I was experiencing fell on deaf ears as they never really heard the words that came out of my mouth. The incident that angers me the most is that after I was diagnosed and had switched to another primary care physician I placed a call to the offices of my former primary care physician at All Saints City View and got one of Dr. B’s physicians assistant. I simply asked given all we know since I was diagnosed do you think you did everything you could medically speaking. The answer was yes (expected because they were being legally correct) I was hoping for a human answer that would have expressed the fact that medically they could have done a better job at diagnosing my condition by running more test outside of their patient profile protocol, or just saying they are human they aren't perfect and that they will learn and try to improve their medical practice from my situation.
2007
My New Years Resolutions are as follows
1. Live to see 2008
2. Find a way for my family to be together
3. Promote organ donation and break the stereo types associated with lung cancer
4. TBD
5. TBD
Monday, January 1, 2007
Another New Year, Another New Blog
It was recently suggested to me that I add a blog to my website, that I personalize my site a bit. My daughter created an anonymous blog, an on-line journal, over a year ago. At the time the concept seemed appalling to me. I'm from the day when journals were called diaries. We wrote down our thoughts in small books that we locked with keys and hid under our beds. We wanted no one to have access to our innermost thoughts and feelings. The concept of publishing those thoughts to an international billboard, even anonymously, was beyond my comprehension.
I've since been thinking about a Christian author I admire, though. What I admire most about him is his honesty, his willingness to share with the world thoughts that most would keep hidden. Philip Yancy wrote that the topics of his books are the issues of faith that he struggles with. He seeks answers to questions we all have but are afraid to verbalize, "Where is God When it Hurts?", "Prayer, Does it Make any Difference?", "Disappointment with God:Three Questions No One Asks Aloud". In writing his books he is searching for answers himself, and in reading his books I feel grateful for being allowed to safely tag along on a road he is bold enough to travel.
In communicating with many cancer patients since my own diagnosis, I've found we all share struggles that we don't always talk about with friends and family. We find that after cancer treatment is completed, we are unable to go back to our "normal" lives, the normal we knew is forever gone. We have unanswered questions that resound in our heads, we have feelings and thoughts we are sometimes afraid to express. Part of surviving cancer, though, is finding those answers and coming to terms with what we think and feel. Surviving is also the reconstruction of our lives, the reconstruction of our hearts and minds and souls. It is the recreation of a new "normal".
In this blog I will recount my own ongoing attempt at reconstructing my life along with the challenges I've faced and continue to face as I try to make sense of my life after cancer. I promise to be as honest as I know how to be. I will ask the questions out loud. I will express the thoughts and feelings I've had as a cancer survivor. I'd love for you to tag along.
I've since been thinking about a Christian author I admire, though. What I admire most about him is his honesty, his willingness to share with the world thoughts that most would keep hidden. Philip Yancy wrote that the topics of his books are the issues of faith that he struggles with. He seeks answers to questions we all have but are afraid to verbalize, "Where is God When it Hurts?", "Prayer, Does it Make any Difference?", "Disappointment with God:Three Questions No One Asks Aloud". In writing his books he is searching for answers himself, and in reading his books I feel grateful for being allowed to safely tag along on a road he is bold enough to travel.
In communicating with many cancer patients since my own diagnosis, I've found we all share struggles that we don't always talk about with friends and family. We find that after cancer treatment is completed, we are unable to go back to our "normal" lives, the normal we knew is forever gone. We have unanswered questions that resound in our heads, we have feelings and thoughts we are sometimes afraid to express. Part of surviving cancer, though, is finding those answers and coming to terms with what we think and feel. Surviving is also the reconstruction of our lives, the reconstruction of our hearts and minds and souls. It is the recreation of a new "normal".
In this blog I will recount my own ongoing attempt at reconstructing my life along with the challenges I've faced and continue to face as I try to make sense of my life after cancer. I promise to be as honest as I know how to be. I will ask the questions out loud. I will express the thoughts and feelings I've had as a cancer survivor. I'd love for you to tag along.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Heidi and preliminary CT results
How disappointing is it to be a sports fan in the Bay Area. I was settled in to see if the Dallas Cowboys could pull out a victory in the final minutes of the game and the network cuts out to Heidi (49ers vs. Broncos). Who cares about that game or can’t you pick it up after the first game ends since it was reaching its climax. When it is all said and done the result of the 49ers versus Broncos game will be a loss for both team; in other words it will end in a tie nothing nothing. Oh well back to cnnsi so I can keep up with the Cowboys (win or lose). Cowboys lose; they stunk up the field as a team; although there were some individuals that played well it is a team sport and team loss.
The preliminary result of last weeks CT scan is that there is no change, I am Stable for now.
The preliminary result of last weeks CT scan is that there is no change, I am Stable for now.
Friday, December 29, 2006
FDA Approves Silicone Breast Implants
The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery and The American Society of Plastic Surgeons, the two largest plastic surgery membership organizations, applaud the FDA’s decision today to approve Allergan Corp. and Mentor Corp.'s silicone breast implants and return these devices to the U.S. market. This decision comes 14 years after the FDA restricted access to the silicone implants because of safety concerns.
“This is a great day for American women and the plastic surgeons who care for them,” said Roxanne Guy, MD, ASPS president. “Silicone breast implants have been scrutinized more than any medical device, and we applaud the FDA for making its well thought-out decision and allowing American women to make informed choices about their health care.”
Today’s FDA decision follows a lengthy process in which the agency sent “approvable with conditions” letters to the two silicone breast implant manufacturers in the second half of 2005. The approvable letter stipulated a number of conditions that the manufacturers needed to satisfy in order to receive FDA final approval to market and sell silicone breast implants in the United States. These letters came after an FDA advisory panel hearing in April 2005, in which the panel heard more than 20 hours of data presentations from the manufacturers and public comment.
Approximately 300,000 women chose breast augmentation in 2005, according to ASAPS and ASPS statistics. Nearly 58,000 women had breast reconstruction in 2005, according to ASPS. Both breast augmentation and reconstruction have been proven in numerous studies to have psychological and physical benefits for women who choose these procedures.
The ASPS and ASAPS will continue to offer their assistance to the manufacturers for the conditions set forth by the FDA related to physician and patient education. One comprehensive example of this assistance is a joint Web site, breastimplantsafety.org, which offers objective and science based information regarding saline and silicone breast implants.
The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS) is the leading organization of board-certified plastic surgeons specializing in cosmetic plastic surgery. ASAPS active-member plastic surgeons are certified by the American Board of Plastic Surgery or the Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons of Canada. www.surgery.org.
The American Society of Plastic Surgeons is the largest organization of board-certified plastic surgeons in the world. With more than 6,000 members, the society is recognized as a leading authority and information source on cosmetic and reconstructive plastic surgery. ASPS comprises 94 percent of all board-certified plastic surgeons in the United States. Founded in 1931, the society represents physicians certified by The American Board of Plastic Surgery or The Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons of Canada.
******
Minas T Chrysopoulo, MD
Board certified plastic surgeon specializing in microsurgical breast reconstruction after mastectomy including the DIEP flap operation.
Plastic, Reconstructive & Microsurgical Associates (PRMA) of South Texas,
San Antonio, TX
(210) 692-1181, Toll Free (800) 692-5565
www.prma-enhance.com
www.look-your-best.yourmd.com
******
“This is a great day for American women and the plastic surgeons who care for them,” said Roxanne Guy, MD, ASPS president. “Silicone breast implants have been scrutinized more than any medical device, and we applaud the FDA for making its well thought-out decision and allowing American women to make informed choices about their health care.”
Today’s FDA decision follows a lengthy process in which the agency sent “approvable with conditions” letters to the two silicone breast implant manufacturers in the second half of 2005. The approvable letter stipulated a number of conditions that the manufacturers needed to satisfy in order to receive FDA final approval to market and sell silicone breast implants in the United States. These letters came after an FDA advisory panel hearing in April 2005, in which the panel heard more than 20 hours of data presentations from the manufacturers and public comment.
Approximately 300,000 women chose breast augmentation in 2005, according to ASAPS and ASPS statistics. Nearly 58,000 women had breast reconstruction in 2005, according to ASPS. Both breast augmentation and reconstruction have been proven in numerous studies to have psychological and physical benefits for women who choose these procedures.
The ASPS and ASAPS will continue to offer their assistance to the manufacturers for the conditions set forth by the FDA related to physician and patient education. One comprehensive example of this assistance is a joint Web site, breastimplantsafety.org, which offers objective and science based information regarding saline and silicone breast implants.
The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery (ASAPS) is the leading organization of board-certified plastic surgeons specializing in cosmetic plastic surgery. ASAPS active-member plastic surgeons are certified by the American Board of Plastic Surgery or the Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons of Canada. www.surgery.org.
The American Society of Plastic Surgeons is the largest organization of board-certified plastic surgeons in the world. With more than 6,000 members, the society is recognized as a leading authority and information source on cosmetic and reconstructive plastic surgery. ASPS comprises 94 percent of all board-certified plastic surgeons in the United States. Founded in 1931, the society represents physicians certified by The American Board of Plastic Surgery or The Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons of Canada.
******
Minas T Chrysopoulo, MD
Board certified plastic surgeon specializing in microsurgical breast reconstruction after mastectomy including the DIEP flap operation.
Plastic, Reconstructive & Microsurgical Associates (PRMA) of South Texas,
San Antonio, TX
(210) 692-1181, Toll Free (800) 692-5565
www.prma-enhance.com
www.look-your-best.yourmd.com
******
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
CT Scans today
Got my latest CT scans today so I just have to wait and see which S word (Shrinking, Spreading, or Stable) the docs give me after they review the films. Just like most CT's that I have had this one did have it's fair share of drama. As I being the angry patient that I am told the nurse that I would only receive my contrast fluid for the CT through my port, they could not touch my arm or hand veins. So finally after a brief stand-off they accessed my port and proceeded with the CT scan.
Note: chemo kills your veins and you also get tired of having people dig in your arms and hands only to realize after 5/6 band aides that they should have used your port to begin with.
After the chemo I was able to eat (the fast was broken) and eat I did. I felt almost like I was at a training table:
Note: chemo kills your veins and you also get tired of having people dig in your arms and hands only to realize after 5/6 band aides that they should have used your port to begin with.
After the chemo I was able to eat (the fast was broken) and eat I did. I felt almost like I was at a training table:
- 2 turkey sausages
- 2 large scoops of scrambled eggs
- 2 large scoops of hash browns
- 1 slice of wheat toast
- 1 small bowl of cottage cheese
- 1 small bowl of fruit
- 1 large bowl of cream of wheat
- 40 ounces of water (to flush the kidneys from the CT contrast medicine)
Well that is it in a nutshell for today, got my chemo (rat poison) next week so we will see what the doctors have to say.
LUNCH TIME (got milk)
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